The Confessions Of A Brokenheart.

ALERT.

2009-06-22T09:37:00.002+08:00

http://nurfa.xanga.com/

Just one thing that sucks...I don't know how to insert a tagboard. Dammit. Will take some time to get myself used to xanga.

Okay, enjoy.

Some random thoughts.

2009-06-22T07:36:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking of deleting this blog and create a new one. Maybe using xanga, wordpress or livejournal this time. I'm bored of blogspot ):

Though blogspot is user friendly... But its like getting too boring already ): I just wanna try something new, and well, different.

Alone.

2009-06-22T00:52:00.002+08:00

Sadly, you're too tired to even say " I Miss You So Much, Reena. "

Or maybe you don't miss me at all. Hmm )':

Happy Fathers day/johor, AGAIN! ):

2009-06-21T01:27:00.002+08:00

Happy Fathers Day to ALL Fathers!

Dad, you mean so much to me. You've been extremely patient with me. Everything I want(almost everything), you tried to fulfill it.. Like the camera you got me which cost over (+/-)800 bucks for my birthday... Thanks, dad. Sorry if I've been rude to you lately ): And sorry for misbehaving too. I know I've disappointed you so much.. I love you, Dad. You're the greatest dad, ever!

____________________________________________

Dear Diary!

OH HAIDER'S COMING HOME LATER AND I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

See how time flies? Just a blink and its already SUNDAY! Really fast, I tell you.

but, sadly.... mum last minute told me we're going to Johor later. ): Hope I'll be home before he does.

P/S : I can't wait to meet him! :D and hug him and kiss him and tell him that I really really really miss him....................................................................... ):

Birthday Wishes/something funny.

2009-06-20T02:51:00.005+08:00

HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY BIG BRO!
Don't know if you'll read this.... but..neway, sorry didn't get you anything.. Hope you have a bright future ahead! Love ya bro. Sorry if I've been an irritating lil sis to you! hahahahha.

_____________________________________

Dear Diary,

Something funny tickled me so bad today! haha! and I'm still laughing like a crazy girl!

Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
tan zheng sheng! -.- HAHAHA a random ah beng who likes to kpo2 kt rship org
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
not online mine at that time
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
but other ppl also
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
then he like to draw2 namer2 org
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:43 AM):
ONLINE?
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:43 AM):
HAHAHHA
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:43 AM):
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
HAHAHAHAHAHA
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:43 AM):
AHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
no he's not
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
LOL
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:43 AM):
HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHHHAHAH
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:43 AM):
you mean
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:44 AM):
not only yours
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:44 AM):
right?
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:44 AM):
HAHAHA NOT ONLINE MINE
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:44 AM):
HAHAHHAHAH
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:44 AM):
huh? u know him? hahahahahaha
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:44 AM):
takk, i mean.. dier suker kpo2 rship org
R. lovesex-magix.bs says (2:44 AM):
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:43 AM):
not online mine at that time

Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:44 AM):
OH
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:44 AM):
HAHAHAHAH
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:44 AM):
not only mine
Fxza Kxtten™ (@) [http://fxzafxza.blogspot.com] says (2:44 AM):
HAHAHH

P/S: two more days.

I'll be waiting.

2009-06-19T17:50:00.003+08:00

Gazing out the window, thinking bout you. Wishing you would think bout me, too.
Boy, you changed my life. Silly as it seems, I like how it feels. No matter how hard I tried to move on, it ain't easy. I need you cuz you're the air I breathe. Like a drug, I'm addicted to you.

________________________________________

Dear Diary,

Haider already went off to Batam. I know its only three days...):

I feel lonely now. No text, no call, no webcam, no chat. I hope he already reach there, safely.

Today I went out with my parents to have dinner at West Coast Plaza. After dinner, we went to cold storage to get some snacks.

Now I'm home, typing this post & thinking bout him. God, miss him already! ):

This is just three days... Wonder how I'll cope if he leaves for NS. Then I won't be able to see him more often. ): That upsets me alot. But its okay. Just like this saying :-

"Far at sight, Near in heart."

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

I'm here to say, "I'll miss you so bad!!!"

2009-06-18T21:33:00.003+08:00

Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam Haider's going batam

TOMORROW FOR THREE DAYS AND WILL BE BACK ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!

): I'm sad. Real sad. But its okay. ): Hope he'll be home, still in one piece. I'll freaking miss him so so so so so so bad. Three days, no texting no calling no chatting no webcamming.

______________________________________________

Dear diary,

Today I didn't get to play L4D ): Cuz some people don't wanna go today. Me, Fanah & Haider, playing L4D? 3 people is not enough.. No fun. So I told them we'll play next time.

I wanna go play bowling. But I have no money! Someone, please ask me out & treat me. I'll love you for that. Haha!

Spent some time with Haider, today. He fussed bout my top, and asked me to wear something decent next time. -.-'

Before seperating, we kissed each other goodbye and I gave him a warm hug.

I'll only be able to see him on Monday ): I know I've been typing this alot but I'm gonna say it again, I'M GONNA MISS HIM ALOT ALOT ALOT.

Okay, I feel like a kid now. :)

Kbye. ):

Johor.

2009-06-18T12:57:00.002+08:00

Was reluctant to go, at first. But when I think bout the stuff I could get if I follow, I had a change of mind. Hehe!

Woke up at 9am. Bathed and got ready. Went out around 10+am. Reached johor an hour later. My family had breakfast while I had a cup of coffee to make myself awake. Then, followed mum and dad to the office to sign some stuff.

After that, to Jusco for early lunch and shopping! Bought nothing much. Was thinking of getting a shoe from topshop but the man shoes have no size for me ): Man shoes are better than girl's. So, mum thought it'll be better if I get a bag cuz my bags are all....*don't wanna mention here.* Got myself a bag and 2 tanktops. Spent bout 280RM? yeah. Told mum I wanna get that vans shoes I've been eyeing for but she told me to wait for my birthday.

And I have to wait for another 31 more days!

Today, I'm going to clementi to meet my fav girl, Farhanah for a game of L4D. I'm super excited cuz finally, I'll get an answer of why L4D is played by many people.

Maybe I'll even get addicted, like all of my friends are.

Kbye!

Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

2009-06-17T02:34:00.005+08:00

Monday
Went to Lot 1 with gf. We spent HOURS searching for a top. Haha! yes, hours. Believe it? In the end, we got ourselves only one long sleeve shirt and I bought a pair of slippers too. Oh, free gifts was an accessory. Haha! No one needs to know, right gf? :D

After shopping, we hanged out for a while outside. Introduced to her Prata sausage and she introduced me to Honeydew sago. Smoked a stick then left. On our way to mrt station,

A group of guys : Bye!
Me : *nudged gf* maki sikit ah! haha! ( screw them bit ah )
Gf : *points middle finger*
The guy's friends : HAHA!

Reached home and played some stupid games on the net to kill time.

Tuesday
Haider called at 6+am and asked me out. -.- Supposed to go breakfast & then play L4D but dad didn't give me money. It was the first time going out without money, really.

Met him at around 11+am. Watched him play dota. (Okay, i didn't REALLY watch him). Then spent some time with his niece at his house. The birthday girl. So adorable :D

Dad fetched us to lavender cuz we need to get our passports. Coincidentally, he needs to take his too.

After renewing my passport, mum dad & I left Haider & his mum and went to Arab st for..late lunch. We went window shopping after lunch and I'm really eyeing for the vans shoe! Nvm, birthday coming.

Reached home and tried to stay awake but failed! I haven't slept for more than 24 hrs! Gf kept calling me cuz she was downstairs and wanted to borrow my top. Lucky she called mum and mum assist her. I was too sleepy to even open my eyes. ):

Wednesday
Going johor later!

2009-06-15T14:18:00.000+08:00

Day out with cousin!

2009-06-12T23:33:00.005+08:00

Meet up at Far East. Supposed to meet at 3pm but I reached around 3.30pm. Went out of the house around 2. Yes! 1 hour ride!

Me : sis, my butt is getting bigger.
cousin : Lol.
Me : I can camp in here. I'm reaching soon! but the bus is as slow as a snail.
cousin : haha! ask the bus to go faster!

Lunch at Pastamania, then I had French Manicure. & After manicure, we went to Novena to meet up her friend, Zimmy. Smoked few cigarettes, hang out, then took MRT to her house.

Rest for a while at her place, then off we go to Pizzahut with my aunt, too, to have Ice cream! Saw my colleague, Sharhan! :D Haha. I miss pizzahut so much! but, the old colleagues weren't there. ): Only few familliar faces. Talked for awhile with him, then I had to go cuz my uncle was on his way.

Okay, my foot hurts after a long day of standing and walking with high heels. -.-

Guess who's older. HAHA!

BIRTHDAY COMING IN ANOTHER 39 MORE DAYS!

2009-06-11T04:18:00.002+08:00

HAHA! k i know this is impossible. But everyone is allowed to dream! :D

Those memories.

2009-06-10T13:32:00.007+08:00

April, 2006
I was hanging out at Mac with my friends till I saw you, talking to one of my friends. I walked past you, you smiled at me and asked for my 8-digits. I smiled, blushed and just walked away.
Was it a day after or two, you start texting me, telling me you got my number from one of your friends. And then, we planned to meet. You wanted to show me the place where you usually hang out with your friends. We became closer, as time goes by.
And on the 27 April, you text and asked me to be yours. And I was on a cloud.
I watched you play soccer, watched you have jamming sessions with your friends and spent time with you whenever I could.
I still remember, going to the store at Esso to get a Hot dog roll, kinder bueno & peach tea cuz I was hungry.
We talked on the phone till late and I had to whisper cuz I was scared mum would listen. But she did and I got scolded few times, anyway.
Our relationship wasn't smooth sailing, we had our ups and down. But we got over it.
August, 2006
I started hanging out with my schoolmates and I lied to you. You called home and asked mum if I was there. You found out and was mad at me. We quarreled and you even talked to my friends. And then, we broke up. It was on the 17 August.
I met someone new and I got nothing else to say. You advice me not to be with him but I ignored you and was reluctant to leave. In the end, we broke up too. And you asked if we could go back together on your birthday. I agreed soon after but I was just confused. Because I still had feelings for him. I went MIA and then broke up with you again after I got him back. I told you to move on. But karma hit me so fast that I took quite some time to stand up again.
In the end, I found out you really moved on and found someone. I was bit jealous. I tried so hard to forget bout you. You hated me so much back then.
Every night, I slept, hugging the bear you gave as a gift on my birthday. It was the only thing I'm left with which resembles you. Deep down, I still have feelings for you. I never could forget you. Its that one thing you do which makes a huge impact on my life. You were my first love.

The memories are still fresh.

For 4 years, that feeling is still there, deep down. It was never perished.
I still love you, Haider. Despite what you did or said to me.

Breaking down.

2009-06-10T05:32:00.003+08:00

Today I cried myself to sleep, twice. Or was it thrice?
I don't know. But no one cares anyway.

I just feel redundant in this world. )':
I hate love, I hate everyone )':

Waiting for miracles. But is there even a miracle?

2009-06-09T21:08:00.003+08:00

I never wanted to meet someone so bad. Even though we only spent just few minutes, its okay. I'm not satisfied, but it was better than nothing. I'm tired of fighting, and so I gave in. I walked to the bus stop, all alone. Thinking of you, and sobbing, tearless. My heart's aching so bad. Didn't want to think too much but you insisted on staying on my mind.

But I love you still. (f) No one's ever gonna replace you. No matter how good looking they are, there will never be a chemistry. Cuz I've pledged myself to only stay with you, always waiting.. Even if we're not meant to be, I'll still wait. I just can't move on, even if my mind tells me to. But the heart insisted on staying.

Reminiscing on the past, looking at myself.. I was so foolish and naive back then. If I ever got a chance, I would go back to when we were together and cherish you. But I know that will never happen cuz time machine doesn't even exist.

Dear God, please assist me.

Hollywood Fantasies.

2009-06-09T02:35:00.005+08:00

Dammit dammit. He's so hot.No one needs to know who he is. But to those who knows, just keep your mouth shut. :P You can take Robert Pattison but I want him. So hot that I'm starting to melt now. K bye suckers.

Just kidding. I Love Haider. :) kbye.

[updated, 4:29am]

And before I go to bed, he asked me to watch a video on dolphins. Amazingly adorable. K, now i wanna go to bed, smiling all the way :D

But thanks to my itchy fingers, i now have a sore eyes. Great. But I'm not gonna let this spoil my night.

kbye.

BABY! I AM FREAKING EXCITED. you hear me?

2009-06-08T03:59:00.002+08:00

Sorry I just have to post another.

42 more days to big day. Chalet on 25 & 26 July! :D

Okay I know its still long long way to go but HECK! Who cares! Everyone's invited. Just let me know who's coming. Love you all, muah muah muahxzs.

ps : I'm truly excited cuz its gonna be the first time, celebrating my birthday!
pps : and i hope it won't turn out like shit.
ppps : So i'm gonna plan thoroughly! shut up.

kbye.

Everything.

2009-06-08T03:05:00.001+08:00

I know you think that I'm not gonna stay, but baby you will see that its ok.
You got me, it will be alright. Cuz imma stay by your side. Don't worry if we have you crazy days.
And i be stayin mad for a couple day. But no one will ever take your place. See baby i am here to stay.
let's forget the past and start over a new begginning. That's all I want.
& I want no one else but you cuz you're my everything and will always be. You know I won't leave.
Action speaks louder than words. Imma show it to you.

Sorry I ain't perfect.

2009-06-07T06:07:00.002+08:00

I know I'm far from perfect, I'm sorry. Sorry I'm not HER. Sorry I'm just Reena. Sorry that I'm not better than HER.

Everybody have their own way to show care & concern. Obviously, I'm not HER. If you want me to be like HER, why don't you just wait for HER? Make sense that way.

Would appreciate if you appreciate what I did for you. But too bad, you can't even notice what I did. You're just too naive.

Love you still, anyway.

It's strange to think the songs we used to sing. The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone.Yesterday I found out about you. Even now just looking at you feels wrong. You say that you'd take it all back, give me one chance, It was a moment of weakness and you said, 'Yes'.
You should've said no, you should've gone home. You should've thought twice before you let it all go.
You can see that I've been crying and baby you know all the right things to say but do you honestly except me to believe, we could ever be the same. You say that the past is the past, I need one chance. It was a moment of weakness and you said, 'Yes'

And told me you loved me. Were you just kidding? Cuz it seems to me this thing is breaking down. We almost never speak, I don't feel welcome anymore. Baby what happened? Please tell me cause one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door and I stare, at the phone. He still, hasn't called and you feel so low you cant feel, nothing at all. And you flashback to when he said Forever and always. Oh, and it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong. It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone. Cuz I was there when you said Forever and always. Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest? Did you run and hide like a scared little boy? I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute. Now I'm not so sure. So, here's to everything coming down to nothing, here's to silence that cuts me to the core, Where is this going?
Thought I knew for a minute but I don't anymore

K bye.
ILH, no matter what. Muah!

Urgh. What a day!

2009-06-05T10:03:00.006+08:00

Won't be online that much till my neck gets better. Won't elaborate much either.
Just got into an accident two days ago. Everybody's fine. Just slight injuries. Miss my dad's car alot ):
I have to wait for few more days to know the result of the x-ray to see if there's any fracture. Hope not. Don't wanna wear braces/casts or anything silly.

Okay, till then. Love and miss you all.

PS : get well soon to me & to babyluv. muacks. :D

PPS : I love Haider, only. k. bye.

Hours of photoshop.

2009-06-03T01:21:00.002+08:00

Still Holding On, And Waiting.

2009-05-31T10:29:00.005+08:00

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
to fight and never walk away

Cuz here I am, still holding on

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain (or through all your aches and pains)
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing

When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
Break every rule cuz there’s nothing between you
and your dreams
____________________________________________

Dear Diary,

Chalet at Sentosa with everyone is great. Spent some quality time with Haider. Went swimming, drank and got bit tipsy(not drunk!) at night, slept for few hours.

I miss him now ):

Pictures are still in the memory card. Will upload soon once I got to use MY laptop.

PS : I'm so looking forward for F1 Grid Girls next year! Too bad I'm not 16, yet. Urgh.

TwentySeven.

2009-05-27T21:29:00.003+08:00

Oh God, Please send me someone kind and faithful to love.

Time seems to pass by even faster. Today's the 49th-supposed-to-be-monthsarry. Nothing much actually. We're not together anyway. Just something I've been following up ever since..

My mind's blank now.

You're killing me, inside out.

2009-05-25T13:38:00.006+08:00

Everything you said, was just a lie to keep me waiting for you. I should have known earlier. All the hurt I got, was for nothing. Just to satisfy you, I guess. Well I hope you're satisfied now.

Everything was just bullshits. I never met someone so heartless.

What am I to do
When my heart says leave
But my feet won't move

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your taking my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

when I first met you
I thought you was the most perfect man
That I ever seen
I still don't understand why
You treat me like you do
I use to give into your lies
But now I see the truth
Oh no I don't want to hear it I'm through
Yea I know I'll still be missing you
But it's not worth the pain
That I've gained from you
You make me feel
Unappreciated

Moody Moody, Boring Boring.

2009-05-22T22:50:00.004+08:00

Today was abit.. of roller coaster. Wouldn't want to elaborate that much. But thanks to the weather, my mood was bit.. off.

Farhanah & Nas really made my day today. I laughed my ass of and hurt my throat badly. I don't need a laughing gas if I have them around. Cuz they're my personal brand of laughing gas.
\

Whole.

2009-05-20T21:34:00.007+08:00

Pardon for the lack of update.

The bond between me & the girls are getting more tighter And I love the way it feels. They're like part of me. The Seven of them, Mira, Hc, Ph, Val, Fiona, Michelle & Ros. Eventhough I might not be close with everyone, you guys have been a great friend to me. Thank you.

Feat : Mira, Fiona, Michelle, Val and me! :D

And I really love spending my time with Haider. I'd love to meet him everyday, without fail, if its possible cuz I never did get tired of him. He have been making me happy, sort off. And the love for him is forever growing. I love you, Haider. You're the other half. And you make me whole.

Its all complete now. Almost, actually. But considering it complete. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends & someone to share my everything with, my companion in life, sort off.

To answer anyone's doubt, I'm still single. Only thing is, not available.

Sorry babies, I love him. And I'm positive it will never change.

Random note : Syed azmir really reminds me of Zakee! The guy whom I used to admire, adore. But long gone now. His appearance, voice, facial expressions, EVERYTHING reminds me of him. )=

Lost & Insecure. (Heart)

2009-05-13T21:26:00.005+08:00

In this long, windy, dark road, I yearn for you. I crave for your existence. I need you, to guide me, brighten up my life, fill it with beautiful colours and assure me that everything is alright & I'm not alone, facing this.

I ran and ran, searching for you, ignoring my fatigues. Cuz I thought its worth it. And I still believe you're out there, somewhere. I hear voices, telling me to give up, saying its useless. But no! I'm still reluctant to give up, to leave. That's my stubbornness for you.

How many times I slipped and fall, having bruises all over. But that won't make me give up. I saw you, on and off. But when I came close, you weren't there. Maybe it was just hallucinations.

I won't give up. Even if I did, I would return again... just like what I'm doing now. I just can't let you go.

A dream.

2009-05-12T23:48:00.003+08:00

Gliding down the beautiful meadow, listening to the chirping of the birds, breathing in the aromatic smell of the flowers. Appreciating everything there, at that moment. Then, waking up to only find out it was all just a dream.

A dream you never wanna wake up from. Knowing that the reality is far beyond fantasy.

Well, thats just how life works. You can only afford to dream the fantasy but face the reality. There are not any other options, is there?

Silence is golden, Ignorance is bliss.

2009-05-11T01:46:00.005+08:00

The sun sets in leaving you with the night to endure.

Life haven't been smooth sailing for me. More of a roller coaster. Ups and downs. Slowly, I'm falling, grabbing anything I could to pull myself up again. No one did offered me a hand or gave me some encouragement.

I wonder how much longer can I stay like this. Am I strong enough or just vulnerable & fragile?

I'm getting more and more fatigue, holding on like this. Give me some credits, at least. Why are you even doing this to me? Is it cuz you enjoyed doing this and it had recently become your hobby, lying to girls, giving them hopes? If yes, I'd like to congratulate you for being a failure in trynna be a Casanova. You're not capable of being one. Honestly, you're not even good in lying. Sorry, but I'm just stating the fact.

Can you at least spare some thoughts for others and be sure of yourself, your decisions? You can't afford to have all the girls in the world. Stop lying, you'll just end up hurting the people around you. You might end up losing everyone. But no worries, I'll still stay. I hope you realize what you're doing very soon.

Everythings falls apart, killing me slowly.

2009-05-07T21:16:00.010+08:00

To think I know nothing. Till when can I finally take this mask out and stop pretending? Its so hard to blurt it all out knowing what the outcome would be. Wouldn't want to lose either. This is killing me. I have to fall so hard to lose it all. Yet you're just enjoying watching all the pain & torture I had to go through. Suffering alone. You were not there to tell me that everything is alright. You did not console me. The pain I had to endure. The suffocation due to the mask I put on. How many hearts I broke just to stick with you. I can't imagine it. Its haunting me.

Still, I don't regret. What for regretting. Regretting can't bring the old you back.I would pay just any price to have the old you again. But I doubt its priceless. Even if I write you a thousand words essay, confessing my feelings, even if I ran away from home just to stay with you, even if I die, you wouldn't change. I know.

My heart literally broke into pieces. I could feel the ache as it shredded to million million pieces.

I'm picking up all the pieces slowly, patching everything up with scotch tape while looking at you enjoying it. You told me not to hurt you in the future. But I should be the one saying that to you. You know what you've been doing and I know it, too. Don't ask, cuz I won't say it out no matter whats the price is.

H. You have my heart, darling.

2009-05-06T21:01:00.007+08:00

I've put my trust in you. Pushed as far as I can go.

You're the drug I need in life. Strong & addictive. What I need to survive. Healthy drug. Like a medicine, maybe. But very addictive. I wouldn't want to lose you to another cuz how can I survive after? I can be as selfish as I can be. But holding you a lil bit too tightly might result in slipping you like holding a wet soap which would eventually slips out of your hand if you clutch it in a wrong way. I don't wanna lose you. Not again.

No matter how far apart the distance is between us, like the sun and the Earth or the Mercury and Neptune, we will always be close at heart.

Don't mock me, darling.
I'll convince you that I love you.

__________________________

Dear diary,

Maybe typing everything that happened when I went to KL is a bit redundant. But sharing briefly wouldn't hurt, right?

Well, I had a good 4 days 3 nights, there. I thought I wouldn't survive. Surprisingly I did. The actual reason I went there is to attend my cousin's nuptials. It was the first time I attend a wedding at Malaysia. The environment was pretty much different. Dad & I planned my wedding ahead. I thought of an idea of having a variety of dishes/desserts/snacks from a range of cultures. Chinese cuisine, Malay delights, Indian snacks, Western etc etc. For the drinks, it would be ranging from vodka to wine. KIDDING! Haha, but yeah. Thats what we planned. I know, too early. But I wonder how my wedding would look like and who would be the one sitting next to me on the bridal dais.

Okay, back to the story. And trust me, it was the first time karaoke. We spent quality time together. I enjoyed it pretty much. It have been quite some time since I had real fun with them. I miss the old times really. When I was still a kid.

FOR YOU, BITCH.

2009-05-05T21:18:00.006+08:00

You know nothing so just shut your bloody-mouth-full-with-cums up. :) Try putting yourself in my shoes, bitch. You just got no idea. So just stop making me laugh out so loud. I just might hyperventilate, any moments now. Oh no, then I'll be putting the blame on you. Hehe! Say what you want to say. Cuz I don't care. You're just clueless, anyway. You don't know me, and I don't even know you well too. The previous was just a prejudgement - from what I see. Why should I be rude to a stranger? Just not me. I might cussed you under my breath, but doesn't mean I have to be rude to you. Cuz I ain't that girl. Unlike you, I don't like to pick an unnecessary fight just cuz of something so small. So not mature. But I know my act isn't mature at all either,to cuss you here. But I got over with it, slowly. Well, no rules stated I can't view your blog. Your blog is open to all anyway. Isn't that true? Well, imagine yourself in my shoes. If you love someone so deeply, wouldn't you feel a bit of jealousy when a girl calls him and texts him, calling him bby and so on? Unless, you never felt it before. But if you love him so much, I'm sure you wouldn't want to lose him over another.

Ofcuz, it was an act of pure selfishness. That, I understand now. Took me awhile.Its just so wrong. I should let him do anything if that makes him happy.

So I've said my piece now.

___________________________

Pulled a mask on my face, pretending everything is okay when its absolutely not.
It hurts, but what can I do?

I love you, Haider.

2009-05-04T23:49:00.004+08:00

Jealousy, is an emotion you can't control no matter how hard you tried. Sometimes, jealousy can make you quarrel with someone close and you might even lose him or her.

I'm doing my best to be understanding. But sometimes, jealousy just overtakes me. Makes me lose control.

I'm jealous cuz I love you. And at times, I'm just so scared to lose you to another. Call me selfish, I know I am. Cuz I want you all to myself. But I know I shouldn't do that cuz its so wrong. You still have your life. I have to give you space, I know.

One thing you need to keep in mind is that you're the only one I need other than family. You're part of me, part of my life, part of my soul. I love you. Just you. Imma stickwitu. Cuz you're the air I breathe. Just like a drug to me, I'm very much addicted to you. And you're all I could ever think of, put aside everything else. I spent countless nights, dreaming bout you. Countless days, thinking of you.

I'm not asking anything much in return. I just want you to be sincere in anything you wanna give. Take love as an example.

Don't play.

2009-05-03T23:09:00.003+08:00

Sincerely I'm saying,
You're the one I love,
You're the one I adore.
Eventhough I can't own you.

Hoping to let it out,
maybe one day,
Your heart will open.
Finally you will be willing to accept me back.
/
I don't wanna know
If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show

_____________________________

Dear Diary,

I'm back from KL, like finally. Maybe I'll update a good post tomorrow. Damn it, I missed S factor ):
Watching Twilight now.

Why am I feeling something's wrong? )':

Feeling elated!

2009-04-29T20:20:00.003+08:00

You're all I want, You're all I need.
Its okay if we're not officially together. The status doesn't matter much to me. What matters most is you by my side always. I'll stick with you. Just so you know, I'm doing my best to win your heart back, like how I did, 4 years back. I'm sublime now.

All I want is you to love me.

___________________________________

Dear Diary,

English Mid year was today. I screwed my letter writting. I wrote a report instead of formal. It was a silly mistake. And I'm not satisfied with my composition. I could have written more. ): But paper 2 was easier than I thought.

After exam, met Haider and went to 365 to slack, as usual. We played cards and he won. 5-1. ):

I'm going to KL tomorrow till Sunday. I don't wish to go cuz I won't be able to meet Haider for four days ): And I wont be able to know how he is, what he's doing and all. Life is so unfair!

Little things that makes me smile from ear to ear.

2009-04-29T00:23:00.003+08:00

(click to enlarge)

Happy Happy Day.

2009-04-28T21:10:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Haider's Mum.

Today is great! :D

Absent myself from school today. Woke up around 10am. Played pet society for few hours. Then got myself ready and went out. Dad sent me to West Coast Court. Met Farhanah. Went to 365 for a while. Then to Haider's house to give him the brownies which me and mum baked for his mum's birthday. Waited outside while he bathe and get ready. Then went to the market to have lunch. Meet his mum and his niece. After eating, went to his house to cut the cake.

After that, walked around clementi central to find a tongue stud. But none of the shop offers it. So, head to 365 to hang around. Suddenly, he feels like having a haircut. Which was really random. After haircut, we went to his brother's house to send his niece. And I swear his youngest niece is so cute!

Ahak Ahak Ahak! (you know I know) :D

Okay, I wanna play pet society again.

Hurt. Childish. Immature.

2009-04-27T21:38:00.002+08:00

Can I just take a piquant knife and stab her and take an air rifle, aim at her head and shoot till her fucked up brains oozes out?I HATE YOU! urgh god damn it. I hate it when we always quarrel bout you. Cuz you won't stop bothering him. Go find another boy who's single and not dating lah! Scumbag. Pussy. Whatever. So what if I don't know you at all? Through my judgement, you're one hell of a thieve! I swear one day you slip, fall, twist your ankle and hand. So bad that you can't do anything to change that. Unless you opt to amputate them cuz you're too embarrassed to show it to the public.

Sheesh. Sorry if I was being immature & filthy-mouth for a minute. Wasn't my fault. My anger is way up the limit now and I cant do anything to let it go. And that irritates me so much! I need a punching bag for my birthday which comes in around 3 more months. If you're kind enough, maybe you can get me an advance gift. I swear I'll love you alot. But not as much as him, sorry.

Being angry just makes me feel sleepy.

I hate today. )': I hate it so much. Today is the most fucked up day ever, EVER! I swear I'm suffering every minute of it. If only time would tick alot faster.

Must I wait for another 365 days? I hate it how I can't hate you but love you more instead )':
You're mean. You don't care. No you don't.

Thoughts.

2009-04-24T23:43:00.003+08:00

Would you cry, if you saw me crying? And would you save my soul, tonight?Would you tremble, if I touched your lips? Now would you die, for the one you loved? Hold me in your arms, tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. Would you swear, that you'll always be with me? Or would you lie? would you run and hide? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?

Say goodbye to the way I was before. Say hello to a new me. I was lost, but I found what I was looking for. Waking up to a new day.

Wordy.

2009-04-24T22:03:00.003+08:00

Falling, I'm falling deeper. Deeper, deeper in love with you.

Words are just words. They say, talk is cheap. And that action speaks louder than words. Its ridiculous to make many promises without fulfilling it. When you break the promise, don't you feel embarrassed and wished you never made any of them or wished that you could fulfill it? Yeah I know how it feels. I bet everyone does. For sure everyone had broken at least one or two promises. So why make promises if you're not sure you could fulfill it?

Nobody in this world is perfect. Like what this advertisement says, "imperfection is what makes someone perfect" Or something close to that. Sorry if I got it wrong. Everyone, almost everyone, comes from a tainted past.

_______________________________________

Dear Diary,

Absent myself from school yet again. Sorry Husband & Val. Didn't mean to.. I couldn't force myself to wake up. Devils in my head just keep whispering to go back to sleep.

So woke up around 10, received a msg from girlfriend asking if I went to school. The plan was to meet at 1.30pm at West Coast Court to pay the Nlevel fees in school. She's late, as usual. Lucky I met Farhanah & Nasri there. And Haider called too. We went to 365 and slacked a while after I met Haider. (not going to be too detailed) After that, went to school and returned there. Slacked till around 7.30pm. Went home while Haider went to play takraw.

Oh, I feel brave. I walked alone in the dim-litted alley. It was kinda eerie though. But before I entered, many things raced through my mind. Things like "what if there's someone waiting at the end? What if I got kidnapped?" and all sorts of thing. But no, nothing happened and I'm glad. Maybe its because I wore the tshirt which says "little miss lucky". Maybe that shirt was my lucky charm after all. Just maybe. But I don't wish to walk there alone after 7 again.

PS:

My boyfriend. I know, he's so hot. :D He's mine.
And no, I'm not telling you who is he. BLUEK!

Birthday Wishes, update.

2009-04-23T22:50:00.003+08:00

(24 April 2009)

happy 18th birthday Zulfiqar!
It was really nice knowing you, seriously. :) Hope to know you better ^^
Better future ahead aite. Good luck in everything you do. And hope you're able to pursue your goals.

Happy 21th birthday, Hamdan! haha. don't know why I prefer Hamdan than Danny.
Sorry didn't get you anything this year. I'm a lil upset you lost the watch I gave but thats okay. Better future ahead alright. Sorry on behalf of my family. Whats past is past. Take care!

_______________________________________

Dear diary,
Today school wasn't that bad. Time flew by faster than I thought. I'm proud to say that I didn't spend more than 2 dollars today. HAHA. For the first time of the year! I'm on a special diet. I don't even know why I'm going on diet. Seriously.

After school, slacked a bit with girlfriend, bro, Nasri & Yan. After that to 365 to meet Haider. He tricked me with his so called magic. -.- He took my phone and put it on the chair between us. He fanned out a deck of cards on top of my phone and then asked me to pick a card. And he'll guess it. Yeah he did guessed it right. But I caught him red handed looking at my phone for reflection of the card.

I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm going to school tomorrow.

YES I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW! :D

When it all comes down.

2009-04-21T17:00:00.003+08:00

Why am I hurt? Why am I thinking too much? Why do I get jealous so easily? Why am I so sublime but dejected when I see your face? I reminisce the past all so sudden. I miss it. Everytime I'm by your side, my heart would race so fast, just like the old times.

I miss kinder Bueno, I miss Delifrance chicken pie/sausage roll, I miss peach tea, I miss watching you jam, I miss watching you play soccer. I miss everything that happened 3 years ago(going to be 4 in 6 days). But you're different now. Not the one whom I used to know at that point of time. Its like I don't know who you are now. But, I've got all the time to know you again, better, now. Nothing to rush. I'll win your heart, I'll do my best.

I'm the one who wants to be with you.

_________________________________

Dear diary,

I feel rather happy but sad today. I need a breather. I need to be alone for awhile. But the thing I most yearn for at this moment is just a massive hug. I need to change myself. I need to be better. I need help ): I need to learn how to control my jealousy.

One Wish.

2009-04-20T21:59:00.008+08:00

If I have one wish, I'd wish to have a guy who will care for me, listens to me, stick with me, be a friend, be there for me, cherish me, understands me, cheers me up when I'm sad, laugh with me, share happiness together, and most important, love me for who I am.

Just a wish which may or may not come true. Am I asking just too much?
Will you grant that wish?

____________________________________

Dear Diary,
Haider is so happy just now because he just found out that he had this software called Photoscape. And he says that he wants to edit his pictures. So he asked me to snap few pictures which in the end got deleted because I don't look good in it.

He was being utterly mean just now because he made fun of me. He tried to imitate my laughter. I was so furious that I almost killed him. But no, I didn't. Cuz he's just too cute.

HAHA WHAT THE HELL?

So school was....fast. Most probably cuz I wasn't paying much attention on the time. Had a long talk with gf bout many stuff. Boys, boys, boys, school.

PS : I'm upset now ): I need a big warm hug.

I still could recall exactly what you said. "the only time you find the right one is when you start thinking bout yourself". I guess its time I take a break, and think bout myself. Cuz I've been thinking bout other people's feelings lately instead of mine. Oh why. ): I hope this decision is right this time. Cuz I'm looking for happiness & true love, not sadness. Please stay. Don't fool me again.

True friends would want to see a smile on his/her face, sincerely. Hypocrites are people who pretends doing good infront him/her and the other way round on his/her back.

34519834751903 pictures. celebration. love.

2009-04-19T00:44:00.009+08:00

So this post will be full of pictures. :)
They say, picture speaks a thousand words. so let the picture speaks.

Birthday kiss for the birthday girl.

Me and Vespa.

sakura; 19.

Oh I didnt do anything (A)

Girlfriends :)

C: ): R: we divorce!

Love you, husband.

*burp* Thank you mr lim for treating us.

what am i licking? o.0 short tongue.

Nike "JUST DO IT!"

Miss you so much, boy.

I love you, girl.

Misses.

2009-04-16T16:10:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was great. The casts are very cute. Oh and there's this part when the cast was lingering around the theater. Me & gf wanna go back to our seats but the cat was blocking our way. Guess what? Gf screamed so loud that everyone was looking at us. HAHA.

After Cats Musical, I went straight home.

I hate sore eyes ): urgh.

I hope tomorrow's plan turns out well. Oh no, I still haven't get anything for my girl's birthday tomorrow ): if only i have a billion or two. DAMN WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT? D:

I spent 1 hr on make-up, another 1 on hair.
.
..
...
..
.

I can't believe this is me. HAHA. i look so..decent ?

My dearest girl. 4 years, still counting. :)

Dearests. I love you all.

_______________________________________
This is specially for my dearest and most beloved one and only girlfriend.(updated on 11:48pm)

Happy sweet sixteen baby. Tomorrow will be your day. I hope things will turn out well.
You're going to be sixteen in few minutes time.
I know things for you haven't been smooth sailing. But you know your friends will always be there for you, including me. Whenever, wherever. Life isn't perfect, keep that in mind. But I hope one day, everything would calm down and go back to normal, for you.
Girl, we've been friends for almost 4 years. Through ups and downs with you. This year MIGHT be the last year for us(HOPE NOT!). If it is, I really hope our friendship would last. :) I never regret knowing you. Damn I still remember those times when we were in sec one. Till now! Haha! reminiscing on those memories really make me laugh.
Anyway, put that aside. I want you to be happy always. If you're sad, I'll lend you a shoulder and a listening ear. I hope he would take care of you. I hope he's way better than him.
& last but not least, I hope your future would be better. Happy birthday!
MUAH!

With love,
your girlfriend.

life updates. Pictures.

2009-04-13T15:35:00.008+08:00

Life's like a game. Agree?

Here's an update of what I've been doing lately.

10April2009
Last minute plan with big bro. Abang asked me if I wanna tag along with his friends to ghost haunting. Without any delays, we both got ready and went out together. Took 198 to boon lay to hang out with his best friend first. He had supper and then we walked to Jurong Point. Sat somewhere near the mrt station and waited for his friend to call.

Around 12+am, his friend arrived. There were 4 of them. Including us, 7. I was the only girl, and the youngest. ): So first we went to i dont know where. But the place was closed. So we head to Pasir Ris Park instead. Nothing much happened.

Around 4+am, we head to changi to have breakfast. After that, we head to Old Changi Hospital. The place was eerie. The first time I looked at it, I wanted to head back to the van and stay there. But unfortunalety, I'm sure no one wants to accompany me. We walked round and round. Till around 6am, we head home.

Reached home at around 7.30am. Washed my legs and head to bed.

11 April 2009
After religious class, we went to grandma's place to celebrate the April birthdays.

12 April 2009
Celebrated Dhit's birthday. Farhanah & Shaboy dearest accompanied me cuz I didn't know any of her friends. Well at first, Shaboy went to meet his friends at Pahlawan while me & Farhanah went to Siloso to meet my cousin. She wasn't there. So we head to Pahlawan to meet Shaboy instead. Took a few pictures, hang around and went home.

Shaboy!

Forgetting all the hurt you learn to hide so well.

2009-04-02T19:51:00.003+08:00

I've never been perfect. So have you.

Sorry for the irregular updates. Been busy with school. And hooked playing pet society on facebook. Haha. Yeah, that's about it. Oh, and I've no mood lately.

I've got so much to update about and few pictures to load but maybe some other time. *shows innocent face* Next time alright.

So how's my love life been? Hah! I'm still single alright :D No, not planning to have any sooner. Cuz I've been falling into some traps laid by few jerks.

I hate liars, don't you? Well if you do, why'd you have to lie?

The catastrophe of life.

2009-03-29T00:21:00.003+08:00

Life's pretty messed up. But whats there to be sad of? Cuz they say we have to live life to its fullest. -trying my best.

I feel empty. The hollow part of me is getting wider. It aches thinking bout it, bleeds seeing lovely couple together. At times, I don't wish to have any relationship tho at times my heart yearns to be a whole again.

Whatever. I can survive, I know I can.

I got wonderful friends, loving family. Enough to make me happy, at least.

I Wanna Say I Love You So Bad, But I Dont Wanna Scare You Away
Please I Wish That You'll Understand
That I Wanna Be More Than Just Your Friend
I Wish You Loved Me

i wish for a better day tomorrow and the days after tomorrow.

2009-03-22T00:40:00.002+08:00

Please grant my wish. *clasp hand*

2009 isn't that bad. But time seems to move quickly. Day, night, day, night. Its already coming to April now. Whoa, how fast it seems to be. Shocking indeed. And I'm a day closer to death. Scary, I know. How I wish I could rewind and go back to the past.

The future's not very welcoming, for me.

I've been a miss independent for almost 4 months already. (not including the short term relationships I had). I don't feel like having any relationships now cuz I feel majority of the boys are jerks. Its hardly possible to find the right one. Though I do have a crush at the moment. Nothing to be proud of. But, *sigh. Should I tell him? ): or maybe not.

I'm down with sore throat. Urgh. I hate the weather. Hot & cold!

pictures.

2009-03-20T16:20:00.001+08:00

yada yada yada.

2009-03-18T18:40:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, was great. Didn't feel like going tho cuz it was pouring so heavily in the morning. Bathed, got myself ready asap cuz I was late. The rain stopped and the sun shines. What a relief. Took 143 straight to vivo. Met everyone at the control station and waited for others to come.

Not going to be too detailed, tho. Went to Siloso then to Pahlawan. After that, to telok blangah moarse road. BBQ with classmates and Mr Tan, played pool, smoke, dance. Then, celebrated classmates birthday and headed home.

Watched Camp Rock with big bro in the living room.

So thats how I spent my Tuesday. :D
*will be posting pictures as soon as i got them.

I can't wait for this Saturday!

Life has got no specific directions. I'm walking aimlessly, wasting every minute of my life. Why?

Betrayal

2009-03-15T14:43:00.003+08:00

Every human being in this world isn't perfect. They do commit a mistake. But the point is, do they even realize it?

I do have a fatal flaw. I never could make the right decision. And I always follow my mind, not my heart. What makes it worst, is my stubbornness.

Well, that's me.

This past few days, I was caught up in a huge mess. But lucky me, everything had subsided. I left and never will I come back. But like what she says, we will never be able to predict the future. I've made my decision and it WILL be fixed. No more, for sure. I never wanna have anything with him, not anymore.

I'm starting a new chapter. Though some things can't be amend. But yeah, I'm changing for the better. Attitude wise, ofcourse. Lets just hope I'll succeed my goals. :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It have been pouring, lately. In this gloomy weather, it makes me feel rather...blue.
I miss having someone special ):

Hurt.

2009-03-14T05:44:00.009+08:00

Inhale, exhale, SMILE.

Love's like a pile of shit.

I've got to keep reminding myself : Life dont always go the way you want it to be.

15 March 2009 : Photoshoot
16 March 2009 : Chem ATP
17 March 2009 : Class outing @ sentosa
22 March 2009 : School event @ st james

I WANNA DO SOME CATCH UP WITH MY FRIENDS :D

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
It's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
Yeah it makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me
You say that you want me back
And I tell you I don't mean jack
No it don't mean jack
I couldn't stop laughing
No I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health
I was quite unwell

PS: left, and never coming back.

Feelings.

2009-03-12T20:17:00.003+08:00

I've been asking myself, every now and then.
A question I'd like to ask, but dare not.

What makes her so much better than me?

Well, it pains me to think bout it. No one in this world is perfect. Why? I ask myself. But I'm not even a step near to get the answer. I'm in a process of changing myself, to start a new chapter, though some things can't be amend. Sometimes, it got me thinking. Can I even be better than her? What are the defects in me? How am I supposed to be better than her if you can't guide me and tell me whats wrong and whats right? I'm starting from a scratch, just so you know.

No, words can't bring me down. But why is it I feel ashamed of myself? I felt like a fool. Or maybe I am? Am I even in a wrong? Did you guys broke up cuz of me?

I need assurance. Right now, I don't even have confidence in me anymore. But still, I'd like to change, for the better. For the sake of you, me, parents. So even if you take your leave, I won't regret. Cuz in the end, I've learnt alot. BUT you leaving me, thats what i NOT hope for. I'm just stating the fact. No point hiding.

I've learnt the hard way, to not let it go too far. I don't wanna repeat the same mistake. I know my flaws, of making the wrong decision. But lets hope I've made the right choice, for now.
It takes a pair of wings to fly. With only a wing, how can it possibly fly?
So, both have to participate. If only one is doing everything, nothing, nothing can work out. NOTHING can be achieved.

Life goes on, anyway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, today after school, was parents meeting session. Dad came around 5pm. Almost all subject teacher mentioned the same thing - bad attendance. My results for CA1 wasn't that bad. 2 Us - combined science & humans. The four subjects I'm weak in. The rest are improving. But this is all class tests only. I have to stive hard and do my parents proud. Thats a goal, I'm hoping to achieve.

2009-03-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Baby I deserve
More than empty words and promises
I believed everything you said
And I gave you the best I had

take a bow
Cus you've taken everything else
You played the part
And like a star you played it so well
So take a bow
Cus the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love
All you gave me was pretend
So now
Take a bow

The future's about to change
Before you know it
The curtain closes
Take a look around
There's no one in the crowd
I'm throwing away the pain
And you should know that
Your performance
Made me stronger now

I don't wanna play that part. I don't wanna be a broken hearted girl.

Life's like this.

2009-03-09T16:02:00.004+08:00

I regret leaving you, 3 years back.
If I didn't go away for him, where would we be? Probably still together and somewhere happy.
I searched high an low for someone like you, but to no avail.
But in the end, you came back. & I never wanna lose this chance.
I wanna prove to everyone, that I CAN change, for you.
But how can I? What can I do?

27 April. Is there enough time? Will we be together like how we used to, again?

---------------------------------------------------------

Missed school today. Did nothing but rot at home.
And so, I decided to change my url & thanks to my itchy fingers, I edited my blog skin.
But I stick to the same background.

Holidays are coming in 3 days time! But I was hoping for LONGER holiday. Tsk.

Here are the upcoming events* :

13 march : School Holiday
15 march : event @ zouk [no, not going. Just stating here.]
22 march : school event @ st. james power station
23 march : School reopen
06 april : Papa's birthday
11 april : Dhit's birthday
12 april : CATS musical

*will be updating again.
And so, this few things could help me kill time.
Only You & I know.

Just a random qs, AM I GETTING FATTER OR THINNER? -.-

This march Holiday, I wish to go out with my beloved people. And I hope to strengthen the family bond. I miss both mum & dad.

I wanted you.

2009-03-08T22:47:00.002+08:00

Like a thief, you stole my heart. And I fallen in love so unfairly.

ps : what makes her so much better than me?

My world revolves around you.

2009-03-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking of changing my blog url.
Or should I abandon this and start new one?

Anyway,

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN FIONA! <3
All the best in your upcoming future.

So many events tomorrow!!

1. Cross country
2. BBQ @ West Coast Park
3. BBQ @ East Coast Park with ex-colleagues (probably not coming. far & lazy.)

Haha! Today, HC said something that shocked me & Ros.
"You two take drugs ah? Your face look like drug addicts."

Two.

2009-03-01T19:54:00.002+08:00

Lost two. And probably not gonna get them back.

Life has to go on.

Falling.

2009-02-28T12:58:00.001+08:00

The further I go the closer I get back to you
I say I moved on till I'm reminded of you
can somebody help me
help me get out of this circle

If I didn't go away for him then where would we be?
Probably still together and somewhere happy.
If I'm supposed to be moved on to new relationships darling why are you still haunting me?

If you understand how I feel
then grab that person now and let 'em know what's real

Hate you.

2009-02-27T19:20:00.006+08:00

Say whatever you want to say. Do whatever you want to do. Go ahead and spout vulgar to me, you foul mouth. Hah! Your words are just bullshits anyway. You're a two face person after all. I reckon you use clorox to clean your filthy mouth. Damn, never before I hate a person this much before.

Whatever. Ranting bout him makes my blog filthy too. D:

So today, after school, met bro and friends. Then, met him and his mum. Was a lil bit nervous, though. After that, to SAC.. Watched him trashed Wan in the game of Winning Eleven 9. After game, sat at void deck, listened to them chat bout tattoos, hair colour. -.-

27. Will today be the day?
aku sayang kau.

no, it wasn't.

The biggest step i ever took in life; a huge leap.

2009-02-26T19:37:00.002+08:00

Today, was pretty much a chaotic day. Many things happened. It all happened too fast that I got a lil bit unstable and almost blew up. But no, I didn't. I thought about the one I love and calmed down. Somehow, it motivates me to prove all of them wrong. I will change for him.

This is the decision I made. I know something like this would happen. Maybe bigger problems will come in near future. But I'm prepared to face it.

I'll go through the thorns, even knowing that I'll injure myself. This is how serious I am.

Right Place, Wrong Time.

2009-02-26T07:06:00.008+08:00

There's so much life I've left to live, and this fire is burning still. When I watch you look at me, I think I could find the way to stand for every dream and forsake this solid ground, and give up this fear within, off what would happen if they ever knew I'm in love with you. Cuz I'd surrender everything to feel the chance to live again. I reach to you, I know you can feel it too. We'd make it through a thousand dreams I still believe. I'd hold you in my arms and never let go; I surrender.
I know I can't survive another night away from you. You're the reason I go on and now I need to live the truth. Right now, there's no better time from this fear I will break free and I'll live again with love, and no they can't take that away from me. They will see...

PS : I'll be waiting. This time, I promise.

<3

2009-02-25T21:59:00.003+08:00

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

Photos.

2009-02-16T19:41:00.000+08:00

Friday, 13 February 2009

Valentines.

2009-02-15T23:41:00.003+08:00

How did you spent your valentine? Well, mine turned out quite well :D

Met at Admiralty, took mrt to CT hall with cousin and her bf. Walked to marina, then to flyers. After watching scenery, took bus from Esplanade to Cathay. Then to Taka.

It was all last minute. But, I had a great time, though. :D Thanks Ayun!

Today, filled with many-many love!

2009-02-14T12:34:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

oh my.

2009-02-07T19:52:00.006+08:00

Clubbing last night was not bad. I was stiff. First time! Its packed. haha. Nevermind, the next time, it will be different, I hope. But next time will probably be after N levels.

Oh, and I love my two darlings. If only time passes slowly... :(

Reached home at around 7am in the morning. Changed clothes and followed my family to JB. Utterly bored. D: I didnt sleep for 36hours already. Great. Waiting for someone's call. He's going JB later. =/

PS : I'm fucking broke, damn it.

This ain't a fairytale.

2009-02-05T20:45:00.002+08:00

I should stop giving people false hopes now. I end up hurting them, after all. And that's no good. Acquiring many options and having the policy of who to choose, that's no good. Its like as if I'm treating it like a game, without knowing the fact that I'll be hurting many later on. And so, Imma stop this nonsense right now.

Not to mention, how I miss having a special someone. But no, I'm not gonna rush anything, at all.

Moving on, studies haven't gave me any breaks. Homework, homework, homework and tests after tests! And I don't even understand a single thing on Biology. Why must I always make the wrong choices in life...... :(

Valentines in 9 more days! 1 invitation, so far. And since valentines only come once a year, imma choose my date. hehe. okay, I know this is really so wrong! What was I thinking? :P KIDDING!

Unlucky.

2009-02-04T20:11:00.003+08:00

Well, today was really not a good day after all. If only I can predict future like Alice in Twilight. Wouldn't that be great? Then maybe I can avoid many things.

So, today, I broke my virgin of getting fined by HSA. Damn it. This little things which I can avoid........ But well, I have to face the music after all. Thats life, full of unfairness. I don't mind paying 30 bucks but what I'm really afraid of is my father's reaction after recieving the letter later on. There's two choice, either to duplicate the key and check the letterbox everyday or just admit it. But how can I?? I don't wanna upset him. :(

Valentine is coming and I don't think I'll be spending it with special someone... But unless someone ask me out, I'll give a full consideration in the decision. I doubt so, though.

Shagged, much?

2009-01-30T22:22:00.003+08:00

I find school pretty draggy today. If only I own a remote to control time. Wouldn't that be great? But I guess thats never possible, ey? Assembly was an arse. Never paid any attention, at all. Just sitting, disturbing people, and wishing time would pass by. But no, teachers keep pulling us back.

Celebrated cny with loved ones. It was fun. After all, it is the first time I celebrated this occasion. Interesting. We laughed our heads off in the bus and when walking, too. Everyone around us were staring but so what? :D Oh and I accidentally burnt Ching's hand. I feel guilty & bad. D: My clumsiness had betrayed me. Damn it. I'm sorry Ching. :(

Oh, and I promise I will post the pictures once I got them.

They say if you love something let it go and if it comes back then that's how you know.

Are memories supposed to fade or stay?

2009-01-29T21:45:00.002+08:00

I can't find any words to express/describe how happy I am with life, now. Though its still incomplete... But, this way is fine. I have friends whom I love spending time with, families to sit together and make myself comfortable. I have what it takes to survive but not everything, yet. There's still a small part which I saved in my heart for someone. I'm still not sure who that someone might be. But I'm not gonna rush to complete my life, now. I'm doing all I can, not to commit the same mistakes like in the past.

Whats there to rush, right?

But no matter how happy I seemed to be, I still can't get over the past tho. For someone whom I trust and thought I could spend my entire life with, betrayed me. Its hilarious and idiotic to not be over a hypocrite. I don't know why its hard. Haha! No worries, I'm not gonna shed a tear, for him. Just that its bothering me & unacceptable for me to not be over him. But soon, SOON, I will.

Memories, Supposed to fade. What's wrong with my heart? Shake it off, let it go. Didn't think it be this hard. Should be strong, moving on. But I see you. Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside

Sudden surge of guilt.

2009-01-28T00:30:00.004+08:00

1. guilty about guys.

Its not that I'm bragging but I turned down few guys. Well I guess its best to stop making new guy friends. D: I feel bad, really really bad. But they were the ones who had not digest what I told them. Which was that I'm only looking forward to be friends, not more. And some really are willing to wait; No matter how many times I've encouraged them not to.

2. guilty about friends.

I haven't been spending time with them, going out and have fun. I miss all of them. If only I have plenty of time.

3. guilty about family.

Same thing, I haven't had the time, too. And this is really bad. ): I should be spending MORE time with them.

Okay, theres more but I'm not gonna list down every one of them.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I know I'm really late but to every single person out there,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO YOU!

And so, I had 20 cuts on my fingers due to folding of boxes at work in the afternoon. And it never was a good idea indeed to eat using fingers. It stung badly. I have goosebumps looking at them. Its disgusting.

Work was.. okay I guess. Though I was given cold shoulders, at some point of time. Tolerable, tho. But yeah, I tried my best not to let the sensitive part of me take over. I'm trying my best to be strong, now. Tho I did complained to bestfriend. Cuz there was this time, I really couldn't hold any much longer. I thought I almost broke down. But lucky I didn't. So, still strong, maybe...

Had a major headache awhile ago. Nausea, too. Its really the WORST combination. But lucky, I didn't puke. I tried to hold it and took a lil nap after swallowing panadols which took quite some time for the effect to start. I'm fine now.

Random note : DAVID ARCHULETA IS REALLY SO HOT. *drool

WTF to you. [Just rants]

2009-01-24T11:14:00.003+08:00

Lately, my parents have been treating me unfairly. I hate admitting, but I am jealous. I had to buy almost everything(except school books) using MY money whereas my bro is enjoying himself spending my parents money. See, the thing is, I'm only working part time. I only get 3.50 per hour. Its just not fair! My bro is like earning more than a thousand yet, he get this type of treatment. Free cigarettes, free phone, free this, free that. And whats worst was when he asked 50 bucks from mum and dad to have bbq with his friends! Mum gave him 30 bucks and dad gave him another 50. Thats fucking 80! NOT 50! What the fuck. Okay, thats not the whole point. The whole point is this fucking conversation I had with dad.

Me : Can you send me to popular later? I wanna buy book.
Dad : what book?? how much???? (looking a lil bit pissed)
Me : STORY BOOK LAH! I use my money buy lah later! (sarcastically)

Later....
Me : *call* Dad, can you buy me a super glue?
Dad : (sound pissed) ah ye lah. if i see i buy.
Me : *hang up*

So I text my dad, saying "no need to buy. I use my own money buy."
Like wtf lor. Its really a pain in the heart! Yes, I did brag sometimes but thats like once in a blue moon, unlike him. :(

And I didn't even get a chance to buy school shoes. I hate them but at the same time, I love them. D:

WHAT A DAY!

2009-01-23T08:12:00.003+08:00

I was on my way to school a while ago but I changed my mind and head home instead. The only reason was cuz it will be the second time late. Second time means call parents. And the third time will be detention. God I hate detentions especially when the teacher whom I damned since sec two will be the one monitoring us. Whats worst was that we had to do essay. Its hideous. She's hideous. A hideous monster. Sadistic one too. She shows no mercy, at all. Her nagging are a nightmare to me. Her facial expression is a pain to the eye. I'm missing lots of lesson lately. The only reason was cuz I don't wanna be late. If only she died of an accident.

Okay, apologies for the ranting. Oh and whats even funny was when I wanted to take a cab to school. There was a que of taxi waiting to be hired. I thought it was my luck-not! Neither one knew where is New Town Secondary. It was a blessing in disguise. Damn it. And one of the taxi driver was being rude to me. He looked at me like as if I had no money to pay for the ride. Whats so rude was when he said, "You cannot see ah??? How can I move infront?" Well let me tell you mister, you can just signal the only taxi behind you to reverse. It ain't that hard, dumbass. Oh and to all the taxi driverS who don't even know where the hell is New Town Secondary and thought that New town is at Newton, you can all just change job! WHAT THE FUCK!? A taxi driver who don't even know where it is? You should study the map first before being a taxi driver.

Damn. What a luck. I guess Imma just continue movie marathon.
I watched Twilight, Wild Child & She's The Man last night. Wondering what shall I watch today.

I just can't resist you.

2009-01-21T23:44:00.003+08:00

People around me thought that I lied being single. Haha. Because its just unbelievable, I know. Well I guess staying like this longer won't hurt. Its awesome to be single. Though sometimes, I do feel lonesome. No, not literally lonely. Just that I don't have a special someone to go through life with, yet. I'm strong now. Its redundant to have a boyfriend, anyway. I'm still waiting for Mr Right to come. I just want to have someone whom I can love till the end and not let go. I want someone who I really WILL love, with all my heart and will be sure that he will love me back, too. Meanwhile, I'm having a rather good life now. Though I can't avoid having certain problems (Life ain't perfect, neway).. But overall, everything is going just fine.

School is going smoothly. But I have to admit that I hate HOMEWORKS! urgh. D: Driving me crazy. Thanks everyone who never fail to make me laugh. I LOVE YOU ALL BABES! :D

Its almost 12am and I'm still up, blogging. wtf. If this continues, I never will be able to wake up earlier and have a proper breakfast. Damnit. Then what am I supposed to do? I planned to sleep at 11 but was too obsessed with watching Twilight that I didn't even check the time. HAHA! whathefcuk. I need a break.

And I have to go to school no matter what. I will be a good girl. I AM going to change. I have faith in myself.

OHMY.

2009-01-17T13:24:00.003+08:00

Apologies for being inactive. Have been busy with school & work. Literally have no time.. ):
I enjoy going to school now thanks to everyone who always makes me smile :D

I want everyday to be like that. Full of smiles, full of laughter.

I didn't know that you would go this far, really. You don't have to make such rumors about me. I thought only GIRLS love to do that. But boys too? You've got no balls, dude. Whats your motive? I don't get it why some people wanna try so hard making others hate me. I'll let karma take its place, then. I can't wait to meet you and see your fucking shock & guilty face. HAHA! I swear it will be the joke of the day.
PS : I was a fool to have fallen for you. I swear I hate you now.

Being single is the best, after all. :D

:)

2009-01-09T23:50:00.002+08:00

Went online and saw my offline messages sent by Ph. It made me weep for awhile. Sudden gush of emotions came. I'm elated. Though the feeling of regret is still there. Now, I've learnt not to be one sided. I hope everything will be how it used to be.

My bad habits of not going to school is arising, yet again. Damn it.

Time flies, really.

ah......

2009-01-08T20:08:00.002+08:00

What a great day, today :D

School was normal.. Draggy & forever boring. After school, went to pizzahut and treat my friends. The bill was $54.75. Paid 50 bucks. 5 dollars was forked out by Yusnor. After that, went to hang out for awhile. Did half of my homework. After that, planned with others to go swimming? Haha! I know its weird. Actually planned to go tomorrow. But we were too excited. All of us weren't even ready/prepared. So, me and Farhanah went to her house to get extra pair of clothes and etc. Swam till around 1 hour. After swimming, chilled for awhile and headed home. It have been ages since I went swimming! So, suffered cramps here and there.

Everythings getting better in school. I'm a happy girl now. Well...... almost...... :) But atleast I don't need to pretend that much nemore. I hope everything will turn normal, friendship wise. I'll treasure friendship now. I can't bare to lose anyone anymore. Because friends are the ONE who will make us happy. Besides family, ofcourse. Having friends by my side now, makes me feel that I don't need to have a boyfriend. But that doesn't mean I will be single forever. Just that its not the time now. I wanna spend every minutes, every seconds possible with the people I cherished. I love you all.

Neway,

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN SHIDAH!
And happy belated, Val. :D

Everyday is blue.

2009-01-06T16:25:00.003+08:00

Everything didn't seem to go the way i want it to be.

No one appreciates what I did. No one. Not even my parents. What more, friends and... acquaintances. No one showed their appreciation at all. I guess I'm not needed.. Why am I even born to this world? Now I know I sound so.. emotional. No one could feel me anyway.

I've been meeting hypocrites nowadays. I still can't accept the fact that she twist the story and made me look bad. I want to confront her but he didn't allow me to. Cuz he don't wanna see us fight. I can't understand why people are having sympathy for such people. Yes, I'm jealous. Why can't I even get over it? Urgh. Babe, why are you trying so hard to make people hate me? Are you satisfy now? Oh and btw, you don't have to pretend to be good to me. Hating people is just not me. Even bestfriend asked me why must I bother to get her a present on her birthday.

But the worst thing that happened this year was when my own dad mentioned that I was worst than my two siblings. Dad, I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I know I'm not even close to one. I'm rebel, yes.. I know. But you don't have to say that.. Cuz i have feelings too, dad.

F!

2009-01-05T19:22:00.002+08:00

Ciaos!

Qué pena. ¡Usted es tal hipócrita!

School have been draggy for me but I have to throw away my unwanted attitude now. N levels will be in few months time and its time for me to really buck up! I can't afford to slack anymore. I'm thinking of working till June, then pause and continue again on either October or November.

I miss Zakee so much. But I guess I was forgotten. I thought things have gotten better but no. No text or call from him few days back. I guess its a goodbye then. Words are cheap, ey?

Almost everything have turned rotten & sour. I'm sick of this feelings. I have no one, no one to share my rants/sorrow/stories/happiness with now. It used to be my bestest best friend or best known as darling but well, we've grew apart now. I miss her. And no more gf to cheer me up when I'm down. No more, no more. I miss both of them. People come and go, like said.

I need a hug. I need a shoulder. I need a pair of listening ears. But no one had offered me.

Whats worst when someone eventually told a different story and trying to make other people hate me for my wrong doings which never exists at all. I guess I was too generous and kind ey? I let people step on my head. And I do forgive people easily. Cuz I believe that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. But I guess I was stupid and too soft hearted.

I can't hold it any longer. Heart gonna break any sooner. But I will stay strong and put a big smile, pretending everything's fine. But can I possibly do IT? )':

I'm here to brag!

2009-01-01T21:20:00.002+08:00

Now I have my own personal hairstylist/groomer. :D
He's also the hairstylist for Mrs world, Ms Singapore and my sister. Okay, maybe I shouldn't brag so much. Haha!

So today, woke up early in the morning to get ready for the appointment at 11am. Had my haircut, treatment and colour. My hair is shorter, black and better now. And mum spent over 400+ almost 500 bucks. I feel good yet guilty tho.

After going to the saloon, we went to malay village. Had our lunch there. Was supposed to work at 5. But i couldn't make it. Mum, too, didn't allow me to work cuz I'm schooling tomorrow and I'm not ready yet.

Reached home at around..7? I was hungry so mum ordered pizza from Pizzahut.

So, to top it all off, I was pampered alot today. Hella spoilt brat!

PS : I love you mum, I love you dad. xoxo

!!!

2009-01-01T03:45:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008 had ended. Welcome 2009!

Resolutions : To change myself and be a good girl.

xoxo

. . . .

2008-12-29T19:49:00.009+08:00

I miss 125z. I miss the helmet. I miss speeding off to work and holding on to him tightly. I miss Zakee. :(

I'm trying hard to avoid him to prevent more problems, grudges, misunderstandings and so on. Though I know he's insanely in love with me. No, I never meant to brag... Oh dear, what have I done. But what to do.. I already predict that this will happen after knowing that he's a friend of my ex(past two years). And I know very well that he will instigate him.

Neway, I've been single for a month. And not looking forward on starting a new relationship. Cuz I'm not ready yet.

Sorry for being MIA here for 8 days. Haven't had the mood to blog lately. So here's gonna be a quick update and few pictures.

The Xmas party held on 26Th at Greenridge Pizza hut was fine. Though I was a bit tipsy... And made a small mess in the toilet. Thanks to my forgetfulness and tipsiness, I left my wallet, jacket & make up which I just bought at Sasa before going to the party. Tsk. Its a good thing that I let my best friend keep my valuable stuff.. Though I can't have my makeup back now. I burnt a hole in my pocket on that day. Sad to say, I'm only left with few dollars in my ATM. Now I have to wait for my next pay which will be in on the 7Th.

School will be re-opening soon in less than a week! I'm still on the holiday mood and not even prepared for it. :(

I had to attend an event to support my lovely sister on the 28Th December. My Sister was one of the participant in Ibu of the year 2009. She came in 1st runner up. The sad part was that she's supposed to be the winner but due to some problem and thanks to the big mouth lady, she was sacrificed and had to be the 1st runner up instead. Didicazli, Nurul from KL, Addy(cradle) and Suhaimi was present at the event. And Mrs world/universe and Singapore was too. I lost my chance on taking a photo with the celebrities. What a waste. But the good part is that I manage to get their pictures with my camera. But the pictures are in my memory card. Its with sister now.

I managed to capture a video of them singing too but its in sideways. So Imma just post a couple of them.

Hmph!

2008-12-21T01:22:00.002+08:00

I so can't wait for countdown with Shidah! :D
And Wednesday out with her too! "Girls"! Only we know eh Shidah?

Pizza Hut have been really busy these few days. Pity Shidah though. And I feel guilty for not being able to help her much. Smoke break, smoke break, smoke break..... SHEESH! How unthoughtful of me! Trying my very hard to quit tho. :( Cutting down.

Pay is in and I have to go on a budget now! Tsk. And I'm still thinking if I should go shopping for the 26th and 31st. Should I? If only I'm a millionaire... Then I shouldn't even have to worry bout money.

Ps: Why am I feeling shitty nowadays? :(

This is life.

2008-12-18T23:35:00.004+08:00

I'm just a girl. And I know I'm not perfect, and not even close to being one. I have many flaws. Inside and out. Some people can accept it, but some can't. Yes, I do have bad history. But that doesn't mean one can't change. Everyone can. It all matters in the mind & heart. If they put their heart and soul in it, I'm sure they can. As for me, I know I've been repeatedly making the same mistakes. But as from today onwards, I'll ~~try~~ do my best to change and not make the same mistake again. Cuz I'm sick and tired of it. Being known as a player isn't a good thing. No, it isn't.

Thank goodness I met a guy who's able to change me. From worst to bad and maybe bad to good. He's sincere. Cuz even after knowing bout my pasts, he refuses to leave but stay & correct my mistakes. Everything was unexpected.

Even though everything seems to get better, there's still some problems which have yet to be solved. Which is giving me a real headache lately. I've been losing friends nowadays. Well, I guess only true & sincere friends will stay, care & listen to you. Only true friends will listen to your every problems and correct every mistakes you did. And only true friends will try very hard to solve the problem between you & him/her. Not leave after knowing he/she did a mistake. One thing for sure, everyone makes mistakes. Not even a single soul is perfect. No, noone.

FUCKING PILE OF SHIT!

2008-12-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

I'm having a massive headache. Made a mess in the toilet. Vomited. Headache won't subside. fuck.

Caught in a spider web.

2008-12-17T02:35:00.002+08:00

Loads of things happened all at once. I'm at a losing end of losing my 3 years best friend. Whereas, love life is getting better! Though there is something to settle with someone. So, to top it all of, life is rather...confusing.

Why can't I just have a peaceful, carefree life? Why must I face alot of problems? Why must I go through many obstacles? :( I really hope everything will subside and I can live my life like any other typical human.

Confusion is nothing new.

2008-12-15T14:15:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was nice! Not gonna elaborate much but will just upload the pictures. Picture speaks louder than words! :D

Okay, so recently, I learnt something from experience. Its to be myself around people and don't pretend to be someone else I'm not. If the person is sincere, he or she won't bother bout how I brought myself up. And if he or she don't like it, why should I care? And no, I'm not gonna change anything bout myself to fit your criteria. No, not referring to anyone in particular.

PS : words can't bring me down.

Bored.

2008-12-13T17:20:00.003+08:00

Sentosa outing was canceled. Plan changed & Matt told me we're heading to Lau Pa Sat instead. Told him I was broke. Most probably going somewhere else instead.

Life's getting really really boring & draggy. Nothing interesting happened at all. I miss my cousin & my used to be close friends, really. Hope to go out with them soon. (Thats if they still remember me!)

Farhanah, lets go out on a date. We be lesbians for a day. We go to downtown east and scream our lungs out and laugh out so loud and eat as much as we can till our stomach burst and pretend we're 10 years old and and and... oh shit. I miss my childhood days! :(

I think I'm gonna ask my parents out today. Cuz I'm really bored now and I miss going out with them, being pampered and all.

Down/Blue.

2008-12-13T00:17:00.004+08:00

I'm getting bored with life. Dating & meeting new guys is getting boring. The fun lasted only for awhile. Happiness too. Its like, there's no destination/goal at all. I'm confused myself & I know I'm starting to fall for him and he knows it too. But I'm just afraid to fall in love. So paranoid. So scared that I'll have to go through lots of pain and end up hurting myself again(figuratively!).

So life has no determination or destination at the moment. I'm just living life like a normal, typical girl. Neither enjoying or detesting. Aimless at all. Hate it!

Work is the only thing that is able to distract my mind.

Couples holding hands, places to go
Seems like everyone but me is in love
I signed my letter that's sealed with a kiss
I sent it off, and just said this
I know exactly what I want this year
Santa can you hear me?
I want someone to love me
And someone to hold
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is here
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here
Santa that's my only wish this year

Busy/tired/boring day.

2008-12-12T04:48:00.002+08:00

Its boring probably cuz I didn't meet him yesterday. BTP(bt timah plaza) was way different from Greenridge. Tho they offer the same menu and everything else(except for the salad), the environment, people & customers are different. I still prefer Greenridge, no matter what. Everything is better & I feel much more comfartable there.

After work at BTP, went to Greenridge for awhile to do the time roster. I was relieved, knowing that Fad(manager) will do the time roster for next week. :D

And the good news is that Zakee is going to apply job as rider at my place! I'm so loving it!

I miss him so much and I really hope to meet him today. :(

Moving on... After doing the time roster, dad fetched me. Went online and laid on the bed. Fell asleep for a moment. Woke up around 3am and recieved a msg from him. I was surprised cuz I was actually hoping for him to text me. Probably cuz he have the feelings too? He called me but I lost my voice in the middle of the conversation :(

Better in time.

2008-12-11T14:16:00.004+08:00

Free breakfast early in the morning yesterday! :D Sent by Zakee. Its the first time getting this type of treatment..

After breakfast, slept for awhile and woke up at 2pm. Bathed, got myself ready and met Farhanah at clementi to pass her the capo she wanted. Then met Zakee and off to my work place. We were caught in rain. :S Had lunch at the banquet and went in to work.

So today will be working at Bt timah plaza's PizzaHut outlet. Probably cuz of insufficient staff. :( Lucky I'm not alone tho.. I hope everything will be fine later.

Ps : I miss him!

Enjoying every bits.

2008-12-10T00:23:00.004+08:00

Today was great! Spent the afternoon with Zakee, a macdonald rider whom I just got to know. He's really sweet. First, headed to yew tee & meet him around 2.30pm. We had no plans on where to go so we headed to Lot 1. After walking around, we went to his aunt's place and then to west coast park. Riding with him was nice. Comfortable but my legs were cramp :S But its okay. The cramp only lasted for a while. Though we didn't really go anywhere, I enjoyed every minute of it. Might be going out with him again tomorrow. vroom vroom~~ :D I'm starting to miss him. So looking forward to go out with him again!

4 more days to sentosa outing!

Okay, so today work was fine but something bad happened. Its ok. Not gonna bother bout it. Joked around with the cutie, Shidah. Haha! Its fun disturbing her. Enjoyed working with her, really :)

Blah!

2008-12-08T22:31:00.004+08:00

I'm enjoying life right now. Got my first pay & spent all of it already. Bought myself a pair of Havainas sandal & a dress for this Sunday's Sentosa outing. Can't wait! I'm broke now and thinking if I should ask for my money back from those people who owes me. I'd be rich for a moment if I do! Should I? Cuz I'm in need of cash! damn it.

I'm facing alot of things at the moment. But am not gonna bother bout it. Its Holidays after all! I have to enjoy every moment I can.

So, planned with cousins to have a sleep over & cousin outing next two weeks. Not confirmed yet though... But I know its gonna be fun.

I really need to renew my wardrobe. I need to stock up! how? I really need a temp job.

Misunderstandings.

2008-12-05T14:55:00.002+08:00

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?

Go do whatever you want. So am I to be blamed? Okay, so maybe I was in a wrong from the start to just go with the flow. But it was really unexpected. I admit mistake. But don't ever think that everything was all my fault. I'm tired. Give me a break, please. And just remember that this problem is only between me & you. I don't mind if your friends care for you but its none of their problem/business. And thanks for making my reputation drop. "Thanks reena you never choose to believe my love was real!"

You don't even understand me. All I asked was just to start over again, as friends. I didn't mean everything have to be put to a stop. But your attitude is making me change my mind.

Yesterday, filled with loads of love & laughter.

2008-12-03T21:31:00.003+08:00

The title says it all. Not gonna elaborate much. Pay will be in in less than 2 days. I'm so excited!

I wanna spend some quality times with my bestfriend & friends and do some catch up. Cuz I sincerely miss them. ):

Didn't work today cuz dad says he couldn't fetch me. So, took the opportunity to rest throughout the day. I'm knackered! Haven't had enough rest this whole week.

I really really really can't wait to go shopping with my most beloved bestfriend! He's the best when it comes to fashion cuz he have good tastes! :D

On Cloud Nine!

2008-12-01T00:18:00.004+08:00

The bbq turn out to be nice! :D Its a good thing I went there or else I won't get to know him. Life's getting better & better as days passes by. Imma happy lil girl!

5 more days till my pay is out. Then, I'll be more than happy! I love my life now. Cuz I got what I want & I don't have to pretend to be happy, nemore. (well I hope this will last. If not, then I guess my life was cursed.)

This was so candid!

Ghost hunting.

(I was cold actually. Was hoping someone would hug me. haha!)

Wasabi mayonese sandwich. mmmmhmmm...

Loving it!

2008-11-28T06:26:00.002+08:00

I'm slowly moving on...Putting much effort.

I went out the whole week today. So busy with work & other stuffs. Going to Pasir Ris later for the Melayu Sg event. Can't wait! But I feel lazy tho. ):

Just another week & I'll be a lil happy girl! I can't wait to get my pay! The first thing i gonna do is to treat my family to pizza hut.. then go shopping with my bestfriend. After shopping, go out with friends! Boy, can't wait!

Time really ticks faster than I thought. I was surprised to find out that I've already been working for 3 weeks. I miss school, I miss the ol' crowds, I miss everyone.. But its all gone, anyway. ): I miss them. But, its okay. I have new friends now. But even if I do, they can never replace them.

People really do come & go, ey? Its okay. Can't be forced neway :)

Over.

2008-11-26T15:28:00.002+08:00

No more late night calls. No more baby. No one to disagree with. No one to quarrel then kiss & make up. No more hugs & kisses before work. No shoulder to lean on. No more Fajar rd. No more going out early in the morning eventhough work starts at 6 anymore. No more msges saying "b, i reached home already" "b, i finished work already" anymore. I'll miss everything but life just have to move on now. Memories will stay as memories. But now, we're back to being strangers again.