Thursday, September 25, 2008 It feels so different being here, I was so used being next to you.
I made the decisions, & now, i can't regret. But whenever I see you around, just make me feel..empty. I miss you pretty much. Why are we not talking? Its time to grow up, now. We are still friends, right? But why am I running away from you? Its so hard to face you now, cuz I'm ashame of myself.
Everything's leaving. (everybody, to be exact) But everytime someone left, somebody new would come. Not relationship wise. FRIENDS, specifically. I guess this is is the way life is. Nothing's perfect. I can't have everyone. Friends do come & go. Feeling guilty now? I doubt so. Cuz with or without me, its still the same to you, am i right to say that? Cuz you have your new friends. I'm invincible to you. Don't deny cuz you know it. But its okay. I can't force you to stay with me forever. You have a great control of your own life. Who am I to you anyway? I'm used to it now. Being left & forgotten. Well, its okay. Cuz I still have to move on with my life.
BUT, just take a second and reminisce. What have i ever done/say to you that i deserve to be treated like this? Go ahead, do whatever you want. I HATE THE NEW YOU, BABE! Cuz you changed so much. Just put yourself in this situation, k.
The downside of me said "I HAD ENOUGH! I WANNA LIVE A HAPPY LIFE, NOW." & yeah, I'm trying my best to do whatever I can. Well, I guess life is not that bad.(sense my sarcasm?)
Sunday, September 21, 2008 Goodbye, sweet love.
I've bid goodbye. I know we'll be moving on with life, soon. But the sweet memories will stay. You have a part in my heart, still. That won't change, its a promise. We'll still be friends, don't worry. Till I feel really committed and found the right one, then I'll have a bf. For now, I'll take this opportunity to take a break & chill. And maybe do some catch up too. Since I've been missing alot.
& I guess, after being through so much, I'm much stronger now. Something or someone had cushioned my fall. But I can't figure out who or what. Yes, I'm right at the bottom now. Maybe I'll try to climb up the wall/mountain when I feel much tougher. I can't predict when. Maybe tomorrow, soon or for years or months. I already have bruises now. And I'll have to recover too, ofcourse. All this years, I never got myself near to the peak. I don't have any idea what its like. Maybe its easier or maybe its tougher. I don't know? But, I guess it depends on which way I choose at the bottom.
Here, a song for my ex lover, Adham..
Rain outside my window pouring down What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry Feeling like a fool cause I let you down Now it's, too late, to turn it around I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry I guess this time it really is goodbye You made it clear when you said I just don't love you no more
I know that I made a few mistakes But never thought that things would turn out this way Cause I'm missing something now that your gone (I see it all so clearly) Me at the door with you in a state (in a state) Giving my reasons but as you look away I can see a tear roll down your face That's when you turned and said to me I don't care babe who's right or wrong I just don't love you no more.
Friday, September 19, 2008 Will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
Sitting alone at home, reminiscing the sweet memoirs which can never be forgotten is what I always do when I feel empty. Oh how much I miss the past. This Christmas, I wish for a Time Machine. So I can travel back in time or fast forward to see how the future looks like. I know it sounds stupid but its my dreams. But wouldn't you think the same, too? Ask your heart and answer. I bet so. Unless you don't even have any good memoirs then that's another story. But I bet the future won't be that bad? Oh well.
Moving on, things have been crazy for me. Not really crazy but almost everything's in haywire. & I'm doing my best to entangle it. I swear, it takes alot of effort. Figuratively, not literally. This time, I believe I can do it. But, I'll need some support. & when I say support, I don't mean PUSHING ME DOWN but helping me up. Get what I mean? Its like swimming.. If you're a lifeguard, you wouldn't push the unconscious person down & add on pressure to him/her but tell him/her not to struggle & remain calm, then bring him/her up to the shore. Am I right? If you're doing the otherwise, then I don't know why they call you a life saver. They should have mistaken you as a life killer. Haha! kay, jokes aside now.
Well well..... What I'm thinking of is how ended up in a relationship with a mind of a two year old and big caps "LOSER", marked on his forehead. Not my bf, but my ex boyfriend/lover. I must've been blind. So what if you hate my bf? It won't put me down or stop me from loving him. You're jealous I assume? HAHA. You've got what you want, but I don't give a damn. You're missing alot, dude. May you suffer in future or best still, NOW. Rot in hell. You're so unwanted in this world. Okay, I know I'm mean & I'm not suppose to say this. But well, fact is fact. Hehe. You suck, arse hole. Such a pain in the arse. I regret everything, with you. But what to do. It was fate. I can't stop that. But lucky, we're not together now. Or else, I'll be the one suffering like hell. Like, wth? No way! I've moved on & I'm bloody happy.(though I've been down at times. But at least I don't have to suffer anymore. Bleah!) & I'm glad my WHOLE family hates you. Was blog hopping yesterday cuz I was bored and I happened to chance on this blog. Believe it or not, I spent the whole day reading her posts. Not because I have nothing to do or have no life but I find it interesting. It just caught my attention. Her exboyfriend is just as sweet & romantic. I swear. He left notes all around her house most of the times, even in her socks drawer. Aww.. How i wish to have a bf like that... BUT, well, different guys show their sweetness in different ways. :) The most sweetest thing a guy ever done for me was.. hmm.. *thinking hard*.. making straw hearts for me for no special event. Haha! I call that sweet. & that was 2 years ago.. He's the first boyfriend I had in secondary school. & Its the first thing I ever received from a guy. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but the most sweetest thing that I hope a guy will do is to bring me out for a dinner, then drive me to a park, stargaze, look me in the eyes & tell me how much I mean to him, what his life would be without me, he wanna spend his life with me and ofcourse, mean everything he said & not sweet talk. Awww. I bet I'll be speechless & weep for joy. I bet all girls (well at least most) would love to experience this. Who wouldn't??
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An inquisitive mind; But ignorance is bliss. Would you rather know the truth which will hurt you or avoid knowing it? Cuz curiuosity kills the cat. Whats your opinion? Well for me, Sometimes I rather know the truth even if I'll get hurt in the end. But on the other hand, I don't have a clue if I'm strong enough to stand the pain and move on.
Monday, September 15, 2008 There's never a right time to say goodbye.
I'm looking for a lover, not a friend. Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to.I'm looking for someone who won't pretend.Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you.And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel, Someone who can keep me real and who knows always. Baby I like to have you in my way. And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,Wants to share, shows he cares.I'm looking for someone to share my pain.Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains.Someone who I can cry with trough the night.Someone who I can trust who's heart is right.
I've loved you, from the beginning. 310708. Everything was so fine, at the beginning. I was elated, cuz I finally found the one. But as time goes by, we started having small fights, but we got over it, together. We went through the obstacles, together. Its getting tougher & tougher overtime. Just like rock climbing. & now, we found ourselves stuck halfway. Neither of us bothered to look back or front to see who's left behind. Maybe you're way infront or at the back, I don't know. Cuz I can't see you nearby; I'm blindfolded. I can't sense you; I'm numb. I tried & I tried to move on, but I keep falling. I waited for you to come & rescue me, but your presence is astray. & now I know things don't always go the way I expect it to. & I have to keep trying hard and believe in myself that I can make it. I have to make the effort. But, is it even worth continuing something that isn't working at all? I guess not. But if I give up, will there be something down there to cushion my fall? & will I be strong enough by then to restart again cuz I'm experienced enough? Or will the obstacles change by then? This is not a matter about life & death but the matter of Happiness in life.
There's never a right time to say goodbye But I gotta make the first move 'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you Boy it's not you, it's me I kinda gotta figure out what i need There's never a right time to say goodbye But we know that we gotta go Our separate ways And I know it's hard but I gotta do it, And it's killing me
Boy I know your heart is breaking And a thousand times I Found myself asking, "Why? Why?" Why am I taking so long to say this? But trust me, boy I never Meant to crush your world And I never Thought I would see the day we grew apart
Boy I hope you understand What I'm tryna say. We just can't go on Pretending that we get along
If the mind keeps thinking I've had enough, But the heart keeps telling me don't give up.
Sunday, September 14, 2008 P.i.c.t.u.r.e.s
Amin & his bro Din, Aman & his bro Din & Aman The restaurant. Din & Maz's workplace. :D
I love today. (yesterday)
Just reached home. Feeling really sleepy now. So today(yesterday), went out with Maz, Din & his other friends.
Went out of the house at 3pm. Went to clementi, then to Fajar to meet Maz. Waited for more than 30 mins. But that's okay. Used to it. Maz & his friend, Amin & his brother came. Walked to the bus stop. Quite far though :S Took 190 to town. Met the others @ BBQ chicken at Cineleisure. Break fast and Aman & his friends went off to Geylang. We proceed to the Movie theatre but the movie tix are sold out (i think) so we end up going to Cineplex. Watched Babylon A.D. Shall rate it 7/10. There's loads of gruesome part. :S
After that, took 190 back to BP. Took taxi home. Reached around 12.30. For the first time, Mum didn't scold me :D I don't know what's up but yeah. I LOVE TODAY SO MUCH :) cuz.................. Not gonna say here. Will upload the pictures in the afternoon.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 Yesterday & today.
Yesterday was a great day :D
Woke up late for school. Dad didn't send me to school cuz he woke up late too. Tsk. So, on the way to school, decided not to go cuz I'm really late. Went home instead. Slept throughout the morning.
Woke up & text Mazree. Planned to catch a movie in the afternoon. Bathed again and went out. Went to clementi, bought ciggerates & met Farhanah, Nafie and Boyfriend. Slacked for a while while waiting for Maz's message. And tough luck, my batt was flat. Tsk.
So, met Maz and he said he didn't know how to go to Jurong. We went to Woodlands instead. Watched 4bia. Erm, I was lucky cuz I got through the ticket counter. Cuz the movie's NC16. Rate the movie 8/10. It's really scary. D: Screamed alot. Haha. After movie, we went to the Bazaar to get some food for break fast. Then, went to Fajaar RC to sit & eat. I didn't get anything actually. Then, Maz asked me if I want to tag along to Geylang with his friends. Text Aman & hurried him to come down to RC. Then off to Geylang.
Maz's kebab.
Aman's friend, Aman, Maz.
Walked around Geylang till around 10pm. Reached home around 10.45pm.
Didn't go to school again today. Woke up and was forced to bathe.
Dad : reena! wake up! your mum will be home soon! what you want to say to your mum?? me : errrr..... Dad : Just say you just reach home cuz you have stomach ache. okay? me : uhhhhh... Dad : GO BATHE!
There's a little creepy house In a little creepy place Little creepy town In a little creepy world Little creepy girl With her little creepy face Saying funny things that u have never heard
Monday, September 08, 2008 I guess I was wrong.
Hey D, sorry I thought that way. Cuz all this while, when I fall, no one did asked & cared. So, I thought you were just another companion, not a friend. I didn't mean to hurt you by posting such things. I was just expressing my thoughts & feelings. When I needed someone to talk to, none were there. Really. )': I've got so much things to share with you, but you're not there. & when you ask me out when I was sick, I didnt even get a "get well soon" from you. It was just "okie then". And thats it.. I was agitated though. So, I thought you don't care. I post that cuz I wanna see if you bother to read it or just browse through to see if I have pictures. But you prove me wrong. Or maybe, HC told you bout it. But it doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know. About the camera/ciggerates.. Thats what I thought. Cuz I was really agitated. Yes, we've known each other for almost 3 years. But we drifted apart, now. I miss you )': I shouldn't say much now. All I wanna know is am I your friend?
School suck hard today. So blah. Nothing happened. Probably cuz of fasting. Everyone, well almost everyoone was quiet. Exam's in 3 weeks time. Have I studied? no. Urgh.
I can't wait for this coming Friday & Saturday.
Sunday, September 07, 2008 If I could be your angel.
Just like a shadow I'll be beside you I'll be your comfort And let it guide you home I will provide you a place of shelter I want a be your zone Tell me what to do Tell me what you wanted me to do I'll make you great to be a man With a woman who can stand Who will never promise to leave her man Making vows to please her man
Today marks the end of school holiday. Ah shit. School tomorrow. And exams drawing nearer. I have yet to study.
I can't wait to meet bf tomorrow. But too bad. No kisses/hugs cuz I'll be fasting. And he too. D:
I'm still sick. D: I've ate medicine but its not even effective. ah shucks.. Waste of money :S
I HATE MEDICINE, I HATE SCHOOL, I LOVE BOYFRIEND, I LOVE HOME, I LOVE LAPTOP, I LOVE FIFI, I LOVE PRAAN, I LOVE SQUIRREL, I LOVE COMPANIONS, I LOVE PINE, I LOVE PUTIH, I LOVE EVERYTHING, I LOVE RANDOM.
the truth is, i don't know what to blog. haha. K. bye.
Saturday, September 06, 2008 No true friends
Friends?? What friends really mean? Companions who accompanies you and get near you cuz you have what they want? And thats it? Or companions who would be there for you FOR LIFE when you need someone to talk to & be there by your side just to be ready if you need anything?
Yes, I have 1970 friends in friendster. But never in real life. I have only one true friend. And its only Fiza. Sorry, I don't regard you as a friend. Cuz you guys were never there for me. Well, only SOMETIME.
I guess the reason you guys are near me is cuz of the camera/ciggerattes or some other things I have that you want. I'm being frank, seriously. Cuz i had enough of pretending. )':Then if not, Give me a good reason why you guys are always near me.Prove me wrong.
Fuck it.
Rain Rain, Go away
Come again another day.
Its been raining these past few days. The frogs croaked almost every night. Reminds me pretty much of OBS camp. Miss it so much.
Did home cleaning today. (More to room cleaning, actually) Haha. Went out around 6 to buy food, then to Grandma's house to break fast. Nothing much happened. Can't wait to go out with friends whom I haven't met for quite some time! MAZREE! YOU STILL OWE ME BNJ.
Thursday, September 04, 2008 So Over You
Cuz you're so last summer :D
Kay, no link. Haha.
& I thought it was so hard to get over you, but after I looked at your stupid photos, it kept me wondering WHY THE HELL I'M IN LOVE WITH YA. damn it. Glad God had shown me the right path. You're just a fool in angel's disguise. Typical bastard. HAH! I must've been blind I guess. Yes, you're hot and every girl's desire. But with an attitude like that, you can't go far. Glad its over long time ago. GLAD YOU LEFT ME. Think of all the time wasted on you. Stinking roach. Now I have to stock up some pesticides. No link again. -.-
Roaches are little pests. they live inside a trash can. And when it's squished, Its what we call, cockroach sensation.
Roaches' friends are big and small, they come from lots of places after school they meet to play and sing with shits on faces
Roaches shows us lots of things Like how to find food ABC's, and 123's And how to be a pest
Roaches comes to play with us but we always spray Baygon! Roaches can be your friend too But remember to bring Baygon!
I LOVE ADHAM I LOVE ADHAM. I miss him badly. Really. Though we've met for a while yesterday. He didn't even tell me he's coming down to my place. BUT his intention was to meet my godbro. -.- Silly, we could have spent time longer. But its okay.
I have to wake up for Sahur tomorrow. I have to wake up for Sahur tomorrow. I have to wake up for Sahur tomorrow. I have to wake up for Sahur tomorrow. I have to wake up for Sahur tomorrow. I have to wake up for Sahur tomorrow. Now hopefully its locked inside my mind till tomorrow.
Boyfriend, Can you please stop asking me common sense question? Before I kick your arse. Haha! I love you still, anyway.
I miss Praan too. I hope he likes the heart straws. Silly, I'm gonna treat you the next time we go out again. Your hoodie is very cozy :D I miss it.
Squirrel squirrel, I miss you. =/ I don't know why but yeah. Miss texting you, miss making animal sounds, too. You really look like a squirrel to me. Haha. Loves.
I miss Tan Pei Hui aka PHUI (spit). haha! MEET UP SOON BUT TOO BAD ITS FASTING MONTH. I love you so much!
GF GF GF! where have you been, silly? It've been long since I heard you. The last time was before I go OBS. Contact me soon.
FIFI! I MISS DISTURBING YOU TOO! how are you & chaccarron? Congratulations on the new born puppy! haha! PM ME TO ASK WHY! XD I love you! the next time I meet you, I'm gonna hug you & not let go. :D Oh and Irwansyah is mine ok. Sorry.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 Let's start over again.
If only there's a restart button in life. Or backspace/delete maybe. But that'll never happen, for sure. I've made mistakes that I can't erase. The guilt..... urgh. I regret making mistakes but what's done is done. All I can do is amend it. Cuz I don't wanna lose him.
It's been raining these few days. Did nothing but rot at home. No, I didn't go out thanks to my sickness. So, till when can I finally get well soon? Like, forever? Damn it. I hate medicines. Cuz they suck.
My skin turned darker overtime, thanks to obs. It looked tanned. I hate it. I want my natural skin colour back please. PLEASE. damn it.
I miss my friends alot.
& MAZREE, if you are reading this, you still owe me BNJs. I'll treat you KFC. don't worry. Lets break fast together like last year when we first get to know each other. :D I miss you, makuchi!
Adham, I'm really sorry if I keep you waiting. But I just don't know how to say it all out. Its hard to both say it & keeping it. Cuz the longer I keep it, the more guilty I feel. But I think you found out already. Or maybe not. But if you do, please, I'm really sorry. )': I love you.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 reminisce.
25-28 August 2008
Obs Camp. Alot to say actually. I'm not gonna elaborate on this. Its torturing yet fun.
29 August 2008
30 August 2008
SICK SICK SICK. went to sis house to celebrate niece's birthday. Collapse on bed as soon as I reach home. I was coughing continuously that night. Dad went to check on me. And he said my face looked burnt? With purplelish/blueblack lips. My body temp was hot. He wanted to call the ambulance but I insist. So, he forced me to gulp down fever medicine and wet my face with wet towel. It got better after a while.
31 August 2008
Went to my family clinic at Jurong West. Temp hit 38.3deg. I bet the last night's temp was more than 40deg. My body was restless after that.
1 Sept 2008
Wanted to fast, but Mum didn't allow. :-S she said not till I get well soon. So yeah. I sat on the bed throughout the day. Probably due to the medicine. & everything I gulped down taste like medicine. ):
Today.
All better now. I guess I can start fasting by tomorrow. :D
MINAHS ; Mulut Isap Nipple Aje Hari-hari Sudah ; PESTS ; Puki Estimate Size Tak Serdahana
Monday, September 01, 2008 Happy 1st monthsary
I'll update a proper post when i get well soon.
Dear boyfriend,
Happy 1st monthsary. Sorry if things haven't have been going rough. Yes, there's something i wanna tell you but i just don't know how to. ): I'm afraid, I'll hurt you. But you know, I'll always love you. I'll find the right time to tell you. Not now. Thanks for being part of my life. You've helped me alot, really. & I appreciate that. You're really patient and everyone knows that. I have nothing much to say actually. But action speaks louder than words, anyway. Why say more when i don't show? I love you alot. & no matter how rough it is, please don't let go. I promise I'll change.
