AM I? Haha. I don't have a clue but I think I am. With who? I'm not gonna write it here but I bet someone knows who. :)
"Love knows no boundaries" - from you-know-who.
Talked on the phone with Dama till almost 5am. What could I say? Its hard to put down. And when we almost put down, I almost, almost, said "i love you" because he made remind me of my ex boyfriend so much. I can't stop myself from not thinking that he's him. Get what I mean? I just miss saying that to someone.
Didn't attend school today because I overslept. Well actually, I didn't want to sleep but I just can't stop myself. My bed won't let me go. Haha. My parents said none. They're used to it.
And Oh, pine, I'm feeling better, thank you. Haha. I wanted to reply but then you went offline.
This blog is messy. D: But no, I ain't gonna delete it. It consist of too much memories. And I can't just delete it like that! no, not in a million years.
Sunday, June 29, 2008 why?
Why must life go this way? I'm sick and tired of it. But no matter what, I'll just remember what someone once told me. Maybe this is a test from God. And patience is all we need.
And, only God knows.. I'll leave everything to Him. All I got to do, is pray and hope for miracle.
I feel empty. I feel like as if I lost everything. And now, I have to start from a scratch again. I won't give up, no matter what. I'll be strong. Eventhough that someone won't be there to help me up anymore, I know, she will always be in my heart and beside me.
I'm sick and tried of pretending to be happy when I'm not. I'm sick and tired of people accusing me of things which i have not done or even think of. But what can I do? Only God knows everything.. It hurts, alot. But it have changed me to a better person. I realized.. when I'm left with nothingm, God is all I have. Probably, you guys might wonder why am I talking like this? Its because this is all the theory I had done and thought of.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
the recent reading. ): Well at least its getting better. But my head still hurts, though. My finger ain't getting better.
Going out with mum and bro later. Getting new school shoes, like finally.I love mum. And omg, My dad bought a gold diamond ring for mum. That's just so sweet. :')
Don't ask me why I'm awake at this timing. See that thermometer there? Yes, I'm sick. I woke up because I was shivering. My finger swell up and its itchy, really. And my head hurts. I'm scared :( Please tell me everything gonna be alright tomorrow. My chest is hurting. D:
Friday, June 27, 2008 :): Figure that out.
Happy Birthday, Dear Mum. I love you.
Life have been challenging yet I'm still standing, struggling to hold on. There are things in life I'd wish to pursue but I'm lack of faith. Fiza had been helping me, throughout.
Hey pine, if you're reading this, I'd like to apologize for any mistakes I did to you, even the slightest mistake of all. We used to be close. I miss you, alot. I miss calling you pine, pineapple.. Oh you know.. You've been so busy with your stuffs, and me too. Sorry if I'm the one who had been neglecting you.
Anyway, alot of things happened today, really. Mixtures of emotions. Lets start with the cake for PeiHui nad Ching's Birthday. (belated actually) We surprised Peihui by bringing the cake to her and singing her a birthday song. :D How sweet is that? heh. We dig in the cake after that. The cake is DELICIOUS i tell you! check it out at Juzdesserts.multiply.com !
So, after that, all of them except Michelle and Mira went to play basket ball. Michelle, Mira and I sat in the canteen. And all of a sudden, I felt something sharp at my leg. Without looking, I just wipe it away. And it got stuck at my finger. So i tried to shake it away, still not looking.
Suddenly, i felt something so painful on my index finger. From then, I knew it was a bee sting. I screamed my lungs out, dare not see the finger. (I'm phobia of bees) Michelle and Mira helped me.
Michelle : where?? where?? Me : There!! there!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HAHAHHAHA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Mira : AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! BEEE!!! Me : *grabbed Mira and run* AHHHH!! DONT WANT!!! AHHAHAHHHAH AHHHHHH!! PAIN!!!! Michelle : come, I help you take out the sting.. go wash.. later got infection.. Me : AHHHHHHHHHHH! HAHAHH! PAIN!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!
and yeah, it was a long story. Lazy to elaborate it. Haha! So today marks the day of my first BEE STING! I've got a swollen finger. SEXY!
So, am I going to be a bee girl?? HAHHAHAH! If I am, I demand a sexy, stripy yellow black costume!
Thursday, June 26, 2008 Can my life get any better?
Yet, can it get worst? I'm like balancing on a rope with a long stick now. Like those one in the circus, oh you know. Me, trynna balance the positive and negative side. Get the picture? Oh well, things are getting a bit better, now. and it gets better as days goes by. It have been SO LONG since i last felt happiness till I forgot how it felt.
I was compiling up the anger with M, so thats obviously why I burst this morning. Its the fact, if he likes to talk about her so much, why not TALK ON THE PHONE WITH HER! Why bother to ask me to call you if all you want to talk about is her? You're so oblivious. And i can't hold on any longer. Thank you! I'm sick and tired of it. Trynna hold my emotions and letting you push me. I just want to put a stop to it. I had enough! I don't deserve this, right fiza?
Well, I think I'm falling.. But this time, I'm sure. But I just don't stand a chance. I know i don't. I stand nowhere near him. A huge gap between. And Fiza is right. "love knows no boundaries."
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 Cancer.
Cancer can use the hard outer shell of your home as your protection. But it's more than just that. Typically, your sensitive Cancer can hold your feelings quietly behind your own walls.
Crabs also have large pinching claws, and Cancer can hold onto things, especially from the past. Cancer are fiercely loyal and have a difficult time letting go. But Cancer are also quick to bring those you love inside the safety of your outer shell while you nurture them. Cancer love is protective, but unless tempered, can be smothering.
Cancer motto could be, "A good defense is the best offense." Like a Crab in its cave, your attack can consist of baiting your opponent into your territory. What appears to be a retreat to others can be your best aggressive tactic. As you feel your way through life, building your security by developing your home and family relationships, remember that unexpressed anger can turn into resentment and depression, so find someone you can trust and share your feelings.
Element: Water Astrologically, the water element symbolizes emotion. Water runs deep; it seeks its own level and will flow until it has found it. The cycle of water is endless with the snows falling in the mountains and melting. The mountain streams join to make the great rivers that run to the sea. The tides and currents churn the oceans. Similarly, our feelings are flowing as they connect the present with past experiences. Sometimes the waters are so deep that we cannot put words to our feelings.
The water of Cancer is that of the changing tides. Regular rhythms that bring food and nurture the creatures who live there. But this is also about the water of a smoothly surfaced lake. No movement is apparent, yet beneath the surface there is movement, currents and much hidden activity.
Fourth House: Home and Family The Fourth House is related to the mother. It is where we are nurtured, and takes in not only our real mother, but all those who nurture us -- especially early in life. This is the house of childhood surroundings. It is where we retreat from the noise of the outer world.
Key Planet: Moon The Moon is always changing, not even the same two nights in a row. It races around the Earth once a "month," and as such we are familiar with her regularly repeating patterns. Women's menstrual cycles are naturally tied to the lunar rhythm, putting them in closer touch with the subconscious realms of the Moon. But to man and woman alike, the Moon is the key to our feelings and our emotional cycles. As the key planet of Cancer, the Moon symbolizes our basic needs -- how we need to be nurtured and how we nurture others.
Cancer Greatest Strength: Your ability to nurture others
Cancer Possible Weakness: Fear of the past repeating in the future
Saturday, June 21, 2008 L O V E
Just a day more to Darling's birthday. Gosh i miss Girlfriend, Darling and Ching(and her peanut butter chocolate) so much!
School's gonna reopen soon and I have yet to finish up my assignments. Oh god. If only holidays are longer.
I'm starting to adapt to this "new life" now. Well, not really new.. But, yeah. I miss the past, really. But i just have to move on. Strike forward, not back. I'm like an arrow, trying to hit for bullseye. Fighting all the obstacles ahead. Trying again and again, almost giving up. But the bow never let me give up. It pulled me and shoots harder. And the bow, is my guardian angel. You know who you are.
I can't help thinking how beautiful love is. And how it makes people happy but sad, too. Love is a dangerous thing. Its not when you know how to manage it. Love is a gift, from god, to everyone of us. Love could make us do anything, even the craziest thing you could ever think of. It killed loads of people, inside and out. Love is like learning how to ride a bicycle. We have to keep on falling in order to know how to balance. Yes, its painful. But you will get the hang of it. You can't avoid love, no matter what. Because its to strong to be pushed away.
-This is just a theory, i did.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Happy 24th Birthday, Big Bro.
Thursday, June 19, 2008 Back!
Back to Singapore!gosh. It really was a long trip. But it was fun. Too much things to say. And obviously, too much photos to upload. I'm so lazy to update.. Maybe I'll just upload the photos and some videos.
Sorry I didn't turn this photo. Its at Kuantan. Taken at a beach resort. The worst resort(or rather the LAST RESORT) I've ever been! We didn't sleep in. Had to cancel. We ended up staying at another resort.
This is the resort we stayed in, instead.
The food there is nice. :) And the place too.
At a museum located at Terengganu. Its famous for their turtles.
Sunset, Taken at Shah Alam.
Shah Alam Concorde Hotel
Nice, isn't it?
This is a coincidence shot, actually. it turned out great! The sun rays are beautiful.
lightning Storm at Terengganu.
Friday, June 13, 2008 Friday the 13
I'm back in Singapore! Theres too much to say.. But i will describe briefly how my days went :) Its gonne be a very dry and boring post, though. But it
060608 Reached Surabaya. Went to Dhit's house. Settle in. Went out, shopping.
070608 went out with cousin's friend, Lola. Shopping. Then we watch Indiana jones.
080608 I forgot where we went. haha.
090608 Spa and facial with cousin at her house. WAH :D then went out with A'an(dhit's friend) and his friend. We went to the skatepark of surabaya a.k.a Somerset. haha. ALOT OF HOT GUYS, i tell you! and i mean, really hot! D: i drooled.
100608-110608 Cant really recall though. But i went out with A'an, Dhit, Aunt and Maz Danang. We went to the Galaxy mall. I had loads of fun, seriously.
120608 Shopping. Then me, Dhit, A'an, Maz Danang and his friend catch a movie. Sumpah pocong di sekolah. Err, well... the movie was quite good. Scary, too. D:
130608 Went last min shopping. Burnt the money at rip curls. Haha. Well, the flight was delayed for 1hr+. Reached changi airport around.. 8pm. D: Went to have dinner at geylang with parents. Unpacked things & packed things at home. Going off at 4am, later. Where? TERENGGANU, malaysia! :D cant wait.
Well, i guess you got over me, in a snap. Your love was just a lie, isn't it? You're just a player like any other. I'm over you. I guess it does get better in time. I don't need you, anymore. I have my parents, siblings,cats, families, friends to depend on. They're better than you, anyway. I'm better off without you. I'll just wait for the true love to come. I'll fight all the obstacles thats in my way.
Thursday, June 05, 2008 Define - love.
Love haven't found its way to me, yet. Going through each obstacle is a step closer to - love. I'm not afraid, now.
Yes, I shouldn't be afraid anymore. There's no reason for me to be afraid. Every obstacles is a lesson in disguise to make me a stronger and better person in future. I won't give up. For sure you guys are questioning yourself why I'm suddenly like this.. Its because a true friend of mine, my guardian angel, had pulled me back to the reality. I have to face the reality. I have to be strong. I have to fight back my emotions. God wants me to be a better person. He sent me an angel to guide me. I was naive back then. But slowly, i start to understand what's life. If its love i want, I have to be strong to go through those obstacles. If he's not the right one, then let it be. Its never over because I still have a whole life, ahead of me. I still have my family, my friends and studies to think of. I must not let my emotions conquer me. I feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Well, I don't know where I'd be, without her. She helped me up when i fall down. She guide me when I'm lost. She pulled me to the reality when I'm at my own world, almost giving up. She's an Angel in disguise. Therefor, I thank her, for everything she did. There's a reason why I didn't say her name here.
I killed a roach today. That would make me a murderer for today. HAHA. Didn't know roaches need to bathe too. Sheesh!
Well, I'm going off tomorrow. The flight would be at 11+a.m. I'm sure gonna miss my red-ant, gedegah-ing with my friend, Singapore, home, parents and ofcourse, My CAT!
Oh, and I'm like catching up with my past too. Yes, the exboyfriends. Haha. Everything is like coming back to me, slowly. Well, i like it this way. Being single and being able to date guys. Haha. okay, that's a joke.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008 Not the time
Oh well, I''ve been on the downside lately. But Red-ant had always been there :) Well, i wonder where my friends are though... *sigh*
I'm going to Surabaya, Indonesia this Friday till next Friday. Then at night, I'll be going to Malaysia for a week. Dad says we're going to Terengganu by car :D I can't wait! Woah! I'm gonna love this Holiday!
Monday, June 02, 2008
Am i in love..... again? No, wait. No, can't be true ): .... But why am i jealous? Why am i expecting his calls/msg? Why am i fussing around when he replied late? Why am i sad when he didn't call? No, maybe it's just that i feel lonely and that he was always there for me.. But what's with all this feeling? Oh no.. I feel lost..
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Sorry for not updating. Have been really busy. And i mean, Really. Well, not really...But you'll get what i mean...
Friday 30/05/08 Met Danny at Lot 1 to pass his slippers and the letters which i never get to pass. We didn't really talk like how we used to. Took Mrt to Bugis to meet my cousin and her parents. Accompanied her shopping. Slept over at her house.
Saturday 31/05/08 Went to Sakura at Capitol to have lunch with my parents, my cousin and her parents. Like finally, i ate something filling.. But i had a stomach ache after that. After eating, my dad sent me and my cousin to Far East. She wants to meet her bf before she goes to Indonesia for 3 weeks. So, while waiting, we went shopping. But i didn't get anything though. I have to save my money. And besides, I can go shopping at Surabaya! Haha. So, after we met Faruq, Dhit's bf, they accompanied me to Paragon to search for Mazree. We saw Apian, Mamat, Stars and etc but we didn't say hi, though. So, after we reached Paragon, I call Mazree and he said he was at Taka. So, i had to walk alone because Dhit and her bf wants to go somewhere else. Mazree expects me to find him in the crowd but i didn't because i want to save myself from humility and besides, how can i find him in the crowd... So, i wondered around Taka, alone like one emo fag. HAHA. Fvck it. Eventually, i got a bit pissed so i just walk away.. I decided to go home.. While walking, a chinese guy who was holding a file approached me. He says he's STEVEN LIM, famous and BLABLABLA.(But how come i forget about it??HAHHAHA. damn it. I forgot that he was the GAY EYEBROW PLUCKER WHO CLAIMS TO BE A FAMOUS MODEL!!!! He said i can be a model. I said i don't want But he persuades me. He said it cost only 100 sgd. ONLY?!?!?!?! I said i only have 30 and he wants me to give him the money. I told him i should call my mum. (i called dhit instead) I told him my mum don't allow me but he insist on it. He said my mum won't know. (WHICH PART OF DONT WANT DONT HE UNDERSTAND??) I didn't know what to do so, i just say ok because i want to get rid of this pest.
But at last, i got my money back, though. Haha.
Sunday 1/05/08 Family Day. Went out with mum, dad, Sis, Bro in law, niece and nephew. Got pampered by mum :D I feel like a kid once again. Really.
