DREAM.

well oh well. yeah, i'm not asleep yet; *looking at the time* it's 5:27am, now. and the song A Moment Like This is playing on 987fm. yes indeed, i'm crying now. I'm missing my bf so much. No, way too much.

I dreamt bout him. It was not clear, though. But i swear it felt like real. He held my hands. And then, i hugged him so tight. gosh. i've been missing him too much ey ? *sigh.

I really love him. I swear i do.. I don't even know what wrong i did to him.

*oh god, please help me. bright up my path. Show me the way. I really need him *

oh well, who am i anyway. i'm just a typical girl who wish to be with this guy name Saifuddin, forever. I'm in dilemma. People are telling me to let go of him. Yes, it's true that i don't deserve this sufferings. But i love him. I really do. And yes, i know that there's a lot of other BETTER guy than him. But you can't make me break up with him. I'm crazy in love with him. *sigh. And yes, i do prefer to be single. Because i could flirt around, date with a lot of guys and stuff. But not now. I'm just too crazy over him. i don't want to let go of him. Maybe till one day i'm strong enough to handle this. I can't move on without him. maybe, just maybe.

I love him. Can't you all just understand ? Like i've said in previous post. I could've leave him. But i love him too much. no, wayyyy too much. I love him more than my life. Only now i'm a little bit stronger and i could live my normal life, already. I may look happy. Laugh & smile all. Like all girls, i'm good at pretending. You will never know how deep the pain is. Yes, i don't always shed my tears infront of you people. Like i've said. It's just a pretend. Because i don't want you people to worry bout me. Maybe sometimes i did share with you my problems. It's because i want to seek help. I need to let go my feelings. I shed a million tears every night, silently. How could a man be so cruel ? He could've tell me that he don't love me. though it might hurt a lot. well, at least i know. Maybe i can just forget bout him, then. But he just avoid me. I've been saying sorry. I just don't understand why he's doing this to me. What wrong have i did to him ? I wonder.. Or maybe he found himself someone new ? he could've tell me. Seriously. I rather know the truth then to suffer and worry so much bout him. Thoughts of him have been haunting me like, everyday. Oh well, how i wish he know how hurt i felt. How worried i've been.

Well, if only i never meet him in my whole entire life, before. Then, things won't go this way. I'd be with that guy and live happily ever after like those bedtime stories. Happy endings. But look at my life now ? But what do i care, now. i love him. But i hated him so much for stealing my heart. And now, he took my last breath away.

Maybe some guys like it this way. Feeling that "i'm the MAN. kneel down and say sorry ! oh, people respect me. because i'm the MAN." just, maybe. who knows ? well, if he had that thought, then i'll call him EGO. because, almost all guys are ego.

oh, let's just hope that things will be okay, soon. *prays hard