happy 2nd month anniversary baby. i miss you. )': like, seriously. uh !!!!
yesterday was fun. Went out with fiza, my bestfriend in jin tai primary school. i miss her. haha. okay, we talk about alotttt of things. we went to far east. then to vivo because she wants to see her bf. they're 2 years already ! wth. aku jealous. ):
Thursday, November 29, 2007
oh well. things have gone to wasted. DEAR SAIFUDDINBOYFRIEND, I'm seriously in dilemma, now. why are you doing this to me when you know for yourself that i really love you ? Am i just a human being without feelings ? Now it felt like a piquant knife stabbed to my heart. Like, seriously. You stole my heart & never catch me when i fall. You're inconsiderate. A man without responsibilities. I said all this because you changed HELL lot. I don't even know who are you now. You're not the guy whom i used to know, already. You don't even care about me. Heartless. How could you be so cruel to me ? I don't deserve this shits. and yes, i'm not afraid, now. I swear i'm gonna knock some sense to you & make you feel sorry for what you did to me. It's sweet revenge. Well, at least i didn't blackmail you. Because i still love you. And all i want to do now is try my best to change you back. I'm stronger now. well, a little bit. AND i'm not gonna cry for you, now. Because you're not the guy whom i used to know. i'll only shed my tears for SAIFUDDIN. not you. oh, whatever.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
and this post is specially for mira sayang. :)
girlfriend, you're the best damn thing i ever had. Despite all the troubles i did towards you, you still would forgive me. (although i did begged to you) haha. *hugs.
I miss you so much !! like, seriously. I miss your high pitched voice ! lol. PLEASE. LET'S GO OUT AND HAVE FUN SOON OKAY.
Girlfriend, i don't want to lose you anymore. Because loosing you is like loosing part of my life, okay. Because you're special to me. (not in lesbian way, okay)
I don't know how to say I don't know how to start I just want you to know how I feel from inside I don't want you to leave I don't want you to cry Its just that you’re the best You are my number 1 friend
well oh well. yeah, i'm not asleep yet; *looking at the time* it's 5:27am, now. and the song A Moment Like This is playing on 987fm. yes indeed, i'm crying now. I'm missing my bf so much. No, way too much.
I dreamt bout him. It was not clear, though. But i swear it felt like real. He held my hands. And then, i hugged him so tight. gosh. i've been missing him too much ey ? *sigh.
I really love him. I swear i do.. I don't even know what wrong i did to him. *oh god, please help me. bright up my path. Show me the way. I really need him *
oh well, who am i anyway. i'm just a typical girl who wish to be with this guy name Saifuddin, forever. I'm in dilemma. People are telling me to let go of him. Yes, it's true that i don't deserve this sufferings. But i love him. I really do. And yes, i know that there's a lot of other BETTER guy than him. But you can't make me break up with him. I'm crazy in love with him. *sigh. And yes, i do prefer to be single. Because i could flirt around, date with a lot of guys and stuff. But not now. I'm just too crazy over him. i don't want to let go of him. Maybe till one day i'm strong enough to handle this. I can't move on without him. maybe, just maybe.
I love him. Can't you all just understand ? Like i've said in previous post. I could've leave him. But i love him too much. no, wayyyy too much. I love him more than my life. Only now i'm a little bit stronger and i could live my normal life, already. I may look happy. Laugh & smile all. Like all girls, i'm good at pretending. You will never know how deep the pain is. Yes, i don't always shed my tears infront of you people. Like i've said. It's just a pretend. Because i don't want you people to worry bout me. Maybe sometimes i did share with you my problems. It's because i want to seek help. I need to let go my feelings. I shed a million tears every night, silently. How could a man be so cruel ? He could've tell me that he don't love me. though it might hurt a lot. well, at least i know. Maybe i can just forget bout him, then. But he just avoid me. I've been saying sorry. I just don't understand why he's doing this to me. What wrong have i did to him ? I wonder.. Or maybe he found himself someone new ? he could've tell me. Seriously. I rather know the truth then to suffer and worry so much bout him. Thoughts of him have been haunting me like, everyday. Oh well, how i wish he know how hurt i felt. How worried i've been.
Well, if only i never meet him in my whole entire life, before. Then, things won't go this way. I'd be with that guy and live happily ever after like those bedtime stories. Happy endings. But look at my life now ? But what do i care, now. i love him. But i hated him so much for stealing my heart. And now, he took my last breath away.
Maybe some guys like it this way. Feeling that "i'm the MAN. kneel down and say sorry ! oh, people respect me. because i'm the MAN." just, maybe. who knows ? well, if he had that thought, then i'll call him EGO. because, almost all guys are ego.
oh, let's just hope that things will be okay, soon. *prays hard
Monday, November 26, 2007
I've been sleeping so late this days. guess what. I slept at 10am just now. and i woke up at 6.30pm. Well, i can't help it. been thinking bout my bf.. *sigh.
This feeling sucks. I miss him alot. oh hell. )':
oh yea. i hope i can go out this saturday with siti darling ;D
fadiana darling : You're the sweetest friend i ever met. :) and i treat you like a big sister, too. Thanks for comforting me, listen to my problems and so on. really appreciate it. You're the best, i swear. :] thank you for being my friend. (f)
okay, went out to my cousin's marriage day. Congratulations yea ! the bride is really beautiful. serioussss. :D
oh, and i had a dream just now. it felt so real, somehow.. here it goes;
I'm going overseas the next day. and before i go, i went to my bf's house. Hug him soo tightly. Suddenly, his hp was at my hand. so, i browse through. looking at his pictures. it was sony erricson phone. lol. wth. he don't have sony erricson phone. (-.-") okay, then we took taxi to the airport. i was holding a hamster. and when we went out of the cab, i forgot to take my hamster. and suddenly, my mum was in front of me. she asked me where's the hamster. and i said that i left it at the cab. and she asked me to look for the cab. then, there's this cab center thingy. with the number 9772. so, we looked for the cab. And suddenly, i was at this house. (-.-") Then, there's this wierd guy, telling me that this guy (my friend) wanted to kill my bf. and i have to tear this paper. (i don't know why) so, i took the risk and get the paper & yeah. tore it & burn it. the next day, i told bf and ask him to take my flight instead. then, the guy saw me and killed me. and i woke up.
LAME SHIT. i know. oh, whatever. But all i know was that i sacrifice my life for my bf. ok, i dont know why the hell i keep on dreaming bout DEATH. wth. hais..
Saturday, November 24, 2007
i had a nightmare.. it was quite scary, though. i dreamt that i had a sickness and gonna die soon. I only told my bestfriend & aman. gaah. Then, i started to change and pray for the last time. Suddenly, i collapse & died. My whole family was crying beside me. Gosh. Lucky it was just a dream.
oh well, i'm stuck at home, now. BORED ! i wanna party so badly ): okay, whatever. I'm sick and tired of this boring life i'm living in. seriously.
no, i've not slept yet. I can't sleep.. hais.. I'm feeling hopeless, now. All i want now is to be in his arms. I really need him, badly.
Boyfriend, i wish u loved me the way i love you. But then i remembered, my wishes never came true. I wonder what i did to you. I really love you-with all my heart. & yet, u pushed me away just like that. But still, i keep on coming back for more. Because i love you and i dont want to give up. Can't you see you're the only one for me? I miss you. those laughter, hugs and kisses we share... can you bring the memories back to me ? All i want is to grow old with you. just you, bby. I don't care what people said about you. Its heart that mattered. am i right ? Please, darling. I know you can change. )': let's start a new, together, forever. please ?
oh well. i'm very sure he's not going to read this. but if he does, god. i hope he'll realize that i really love him... i'm missing him so much.. just 6 more days and it will be the 2nd month. I don't want "us" to be apart. oh gosh... i really love him. to be exact, I'm crazy over him. Yes, i know i've been saying this to a few guys before. but it's not the same. this feeling is stronger. i really do love him. i swear-with all my heart.
oh darling. I'm always the one who saves the relationship. i hate you being ego & selfish. But i know you can change, bby. Please tell me i'm right. i miss you so badly.
Friday, November 23, 2007
hell yeah. I just reached home. went out with my family to have dinner at bt batok. i got myself Roti Boom ! XD it's a roti prata with butter & sugar. i ate too much that i feel like vomiting. Gaaaah.
To peihui darling : awww. i'm glad you forgave me. For now, i promise i'll not repeat the same mistake again. *hugs. and yeah, i hope that our friendship will last, seriously. ;)
gaah. im just fucken lazy to update. my life is getting more boring. im sick and tired of it. ): i need to party, somehow. and my dad says im getting thinner. wtf.
boyfriend, oh boyfriend. where are you ? )': i'm feeling knackered. eyebags, sore eyes and messy hair. it just doesn't sound like me. I've changed a lot since the incident. oh, hell. been crying every night...
I need a break. SERIOUSLY. but im not gonna give up on him. i love him, deeply. i swear i do.
okay, whatever. the training SUCKS ! no food, no break. wtf. i have to stand up and walk around the entire 4 hours. ):
oh, and thanks eh Matt for introducing me to Bob X) lol. well, Bob is my new friend. haa. he's friendly, i tell you. okay. on the left is Matt. And on the right is Bob ;D Fadiana darling, thanks for being there when i needed someone to talk to. I really appreciate it. But i'm sorry if i'm not there for you. I'm so selfish. ): i only cared bout myself. let's go out together, soon okay. (f)
to Peihui : i'm sorry i've changed a lot.. i just don't know what have gotten into me. i read your blog.. and i really regret what i've done. oh, it was just a stupid mistake. why won't you all forgive me ? i mean, if god can forgive us for our sins, why cant human forgive each other ? people makes mistake. no one is perfect. and when people are not in the mood, they won't know what they did was wrong. )': i really miss those moments when we laughed and talked to each other. seriously.
to Mira : i'm really sorry for what i did. come on girlfriend, people makes mistakes. am i right ? hais. i really miss you (w)
to boyfriend: i miss you. i really2 need you. where are you when i needed you the most ? i miss talking to you on the phone. i miss those hugs and kisses. i miss staring into your eyes. i miss saying i love you to you. )': i really2 love you. I swear i do.. but do you ?
to all the people who've been telling me to let go of him, go put yourself to my shoes,then. it's my life. i choose my decision. not you. cheers.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Its been hell fucking long time since I've last updated. oh, and to the people who wont stop criticizing, just fucking get a life okay. Just leave if u hate me so much. I don't need fagots like you to be hanging around here and dirtying my tag board. got it ? Losers.
So, yeah. Life was horrendous, i guess. I had to move on. But I'm still with him, i think. hais.
Well, actually, i haven't started training. the first training, i wasn't in proper shoes. and the second, there's no uniform for me. i'm going again tomorrow.
good luck to me. haha. I wonder what should i wear tomorrow.
Ohh, and i hope that bf will change soon. very soon. i miss him. don't worry people, i won't let him go.
and thanks FADIANA for being there when i needed someone. You're the best. i swear it's true. And to the people who had cheered me up, thanks ey. I really appreciate it. Well, at least i still do have friends that really cared. eventhough it's just cyber friends. But who cares ? It's still friendship that counts. ;)
OH HELL ! I WANT TO PLAY THE SIMS SO BADLY!! ):
30th November will be our 2nd month. hais. does he still remember when our first encounter ? the laugh, the talk..... and all... it keeps on flashing in my mind. i miss the old him. he really changed. seriously, i could have left him. but i didn't give up on him. i dont want to. i love him. i swear i do.
Monday, November 12, 2007
sorry for not updating.. well, alot of things happened to me. i lost my girlfriend just because of a stupid problem. uh ! )X and bf changed alot ..... well, i hope that i could change him back.
okay. i've been sleeping so late these days. tsk tsk. im so sick now ): sore throat, fever, flu.. omg.. tomorrow is my interview at bt timah mac, near king albert's place there. can't wait to work. i need MONEY !
Sunday, November 04, 2007
okay. this is very random. this is all the pictures of the people whom i heart/love. ;D (not in order)my love. i love him more than myself. <3wenling ! cutiepie. <3farhanah ! the coolest friend. balloons is the thing she love.<3darren. haha. i love to bitch about people with him X)ika ! my bestie. <3
aman. (my boyfriend's friend) nice to talk too ! & he love topman. lol
siti ! my darling ;D
peihui. my bestfriend,darling. <3>
liqi ! ;D someone to share secrets with.
girlfriend <3>
Fadiana darling. THE BEST.<3
din's cousin, syasya. my new friend ;D
my boyfriend's little sister ;D
MAZ ! ;D my boyfriend's friend. a place to share problems with. oh, and maz ? lol. hope that u'll get a girl that can take care of you okay X)
WAWAN ! just get to know him yesterday. my god bro. oh. and he's handsome. can ? ;D <3
oh, and if your picture is not in, tell me. you know i love you too right ? ;)
Saturday, November 03, 2007
this is specially for my boyfriend
& this is for my precious darling ;D
oh, new haircut
japanese much ?
uh.
"LET ME TALK!"
okay. so yeah. im here for a request by my darling ;D if it's not because of her, i wont be blogging now.
yeah, i went out to have a haircut at ghim moh just now. trimmed my fringe and split ends. had a hair treatment too ! $55.
haha. okay. then, went up to my grandma's house. after that, went home. while reaching, i asked my mum if i could work. and she said now. wtf. yeah. i vent my anger on her. ergh.
so, yeah. im stuck at home. bored like ercfvtgybuhnjised5rf67i!@#$%^&*(123456789 seh !
oh, and im !@#$%^&*(Ibhn happy too because boyfriend topped up his prepaid already ! oh yay. but he's like !@#$%^&*( lazy to text me . hais. and some guys are texting me now. -.- where's boyfriend ? )X
Thursday, November 01, 2007
me & ika's cat, DD
BREAST FEEDING THE CAT ? wtf. NO !
Farhanah & me.
FOR MY BF !
Today is my boyfriend's birthday. damn it. didn't have enough money to buy him his present. )X so, yeah,
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY DARLING !
Okay, yesterday was super fun but super TIRING, i tell you ! meet darren at clementi mac. His hair was like, FUCKING cool ! damn it. Walked with him to farhanah's void deck. So, yeah. smoked while walking there. Met farhanah and we went to buy cigarrates. And we took 105 to Jurong east. Ate at KFC. & finally, ika & Ikhwan arrive. First house was ika's at jurong west. Then, we went to woodlands int to meet Taufik and waited for ika's god sister, Ina. After she arrived, we went to her house. There was another house at woodlands (farhanah's friend, Ariani), but we couldn't go in because her father is on his way home. After that, we took mrt to tiong bahru and took a bus to taufik's house at Telok Blangah. And the last house was Yusnor's. at clementi.
see ? VERY TIRING right ? but it's really fun. but ikhwan bullied me THROUGHOUT the day XD Darren & Kevin & Taufik disturbed me at night saying that there's an "old man" following . i got scared and pulled Farhanah's hand.
I reached home around 11pm. mum was asleep. i get my brother to fetch me at the bus stop.
wenling ! cutiepie. <3
darren. haha. i love to bitch about people with him X)
ika ! my bestie. <3
siti ! my darling ;D
peihui. my bestfriend,darling. <3>
liqi ! ;D someone to share secrets with.
girlfriend <3>
Fadiana darling. THE BEST.<3
din's cousin, syasya. my new friend ;D
my boyfriend's little sister ;D
MAZ ! ;D my boyfriend's friend. a place to share problems with.
